Katrina Alilovic in Mount Lawley, Western Australia | Counsellor

Katrina Alilovic

Locality: Mount Lawley, Western Australia

Phone: +61 428 661 300

Address: 13 Alvan Street 6050 Mount Lawley, WA, Australia

Website: http://infocuscentre.com

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• Medical and health
• Mental health service
• Psychologist
• Counsellor

24.01.2022 The Power of No: Learn to say No even when youve already said Yes. Are you way over-committed? Do you know those feelings of regret, mixed with a pinch of self-loathing, plus a sprinkling of resentment after youve agreed to do something you dont want to do?... Would you like to be able to turn it around, back out gracefully AND feel OK about it? Imagine taking control of your time without feeling rude, mean, unhelpful or selfish. By the end of this 2-hour intensive workshop you will: 1. Be aware of your BIG reason for saying Yes instead of No 2. Have scripts for saying No that feel kind and respectful 3. Experience how to liberate yourself from what other people think The programme is for a maximum of 8 women. The cost is $55. Friday 24 July 10am 12 noon (AWST) https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/the-power-of-no-learn-to-sa When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself. Paulo Coelho

24.01.2022 Whats getting on your goat?

22.01.2022 Part 2 - reconnecting with someone from your past if youre the person initiating the contact

21.01.2022 Regrets in life are part of life and are experiences of loss. No-one gets through life without feeling loss. Some might say they have 'no regrets' or that they live their life with a 'no regrets' policy as if this is a badge of honour. ... Please don't be hard on yourself if you have regrets. You're feeling loss. You may feel like there is something wrong wrong with you that you have regrets. There isn't. Notice the experience. Recognise it as part of the human experience. Make room for your experience. Allow it.Notice where you feel it in your body and let your hand rest gently on that place. Be curious about your experience. Investigate it. Ask yourself, "What am I believing in these moments?" and "What is the limiting story I'm believing right now." And finally, ask "What does this feeling need?", "What do I need right now?" Ask these questions of yourself and let your most wise self offer the nurturing you need. Nurture yourself. This post and the process outlined is inspired by Tara Brach and her RAIN Method (Recognise, Allow, Investigate and Nurture). She talks about RAIN on blame, RAIN on judgement).

21.01.2022 How do you start your day? Rested Looking forward to whats on the schedule Exercise...Continue reading

20.01.2022 https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/the-power-of-no-learn-to-sa

19.01.2022 Feeling more tired than usual? Its a normal response to the current circumstances. Say yes to rest if you can. There is plenty of time to focus on your productivity. Were still in the early stages of adapting to the coronavirus situation. To cope well we need to have a longer term vision. In order to conserve energy we need to pace ourselves.

19.01.2022 Listening to yourself - What do I need?

19.01.2022 I might get to spend one hour with my clients out of the 168 hours they have in their week. Often I see people fortnightly so it's 1 hour out of 336 hours. That hour is important for sure but it's what you do in between sessions that promotes lasting change. The experience in the therapy hour offers a different human to human interaction which is the foundation for personal transformation and I recognise the importance of what my client does day in and day out between our times together.

19.01.2022 I came across this word F.I.N.E recently. You know the one that gets a great deal of use when someone asks us how we are? Fine, thanks. Well, apparently it's got another meaning. I wanted to stay true to the original words which are lyrics from a song by Steve Taylor of Aerosmith fame. I wish I hadn't gone in search of the lyrics now as they're great but I still love FINE. I've seen a less sweary version which substitutes F for FED UP but I wanted to stay true to the original and I figure you can take it. It's OK to not be OK.

18.01.2022 How often do you fall into the judgement trap? To judge is human. We judge ourselves and others. We think that it's the price we pay to improve ourselves and for others to improve themselves. It can be deliciously enticing to judge another. The warm glow of superiority, of rightness. Of knowing better. Whether it be the solo type or the type shared with someone you know will agree. Oh the pleasure in having our rightness reinforced. But it is often short-lived. It doesn't del...iver on its promise. It is a trap. A trap which can cast a shadow of embarrassment, shame and leave a nasty taste in your mouth. This trap of 'better than' sets you apart from the other. The consequence is the disconnect. This disconnection fuels loneliness. It's pretty isolating and lonely to set yourself apart. When you've fallen into the trap of judging, first try to avoid the trap of judging yourself for it. When you pass judgment on yourself you may feel disappointed in yourself. Beating yourself up is not going to help you become more aware and less judgemental. Ask yourself what are you getting out of being judgemental? What led to you passing judgement? Where are you feeling less than in your life right now? How might you be displacing this onto others? Judgement and criticism hardens us while empathy softens us and expands the possibilities for connection. Judging separates us from others, while empathy connects us. Judging others is ultimately a way of avoiding ourselves. It draws our attention away from ourselves and onto others. It means our energy is diverted and wasted. We trick ourselves that we can teach lessons to others. When we stop judging we remember that only we can learn our life lessons and change ourselves. Practice self-compassion and talk to yourself like you would a friend. Forgive yourself. You are human. Endeavour to focus your thoughts and time where it will give you a return - your own life.

17.01.2022 How is your sleep pattern? It might be worth your time and effort to take a look and focus on getting some more sleep under your belt.

17.01.2022 You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.... Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things. Mary Oliver Wild Geese

17.01.2022 How do you react to hearing "No"? Does it take the wind out of your sails and lead you to retreat? How about if you were to see it as an opportunity? To reframe the resistance you're getting to the sweet-spot where you can meet the other person and find out more about the No, listen and feel the power that comes from being curious. You know that saying "There's no harm is asking."? Well, I would scoff at that. A "no" would be the trigger for me to retreat, to feel the burn o...f shame. Hearing "no" was the worst. I would only ever ask if I knew I was a shoe-in to hear "Yes". And to flip it, being able to say "no" to others is something many of us struggle with. It brings up a lot of fear and not wanting to disappoint people; fear of being rejected based on the setting of a boundary. Does any of this resonate with you? Being able to stay present with hearing a 'No' and voicing a 'No' are important life skills. They take practice and no, it's never too late to begin. You can practice with a friend. Take turns with one person asking the questions (any questions) and one person saying "no". Yes, you read it correctly. Practice saying "no" and hearing "no". Debrief with each other. What did that feel like? Do it again. Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

17.01.2022 Dear parents, I know youre worried sick about the spread of the coronavirus and the impact on your children, yourselves and loved one. It makes total sense in these uncertain times. Its time we focus on how fear and anxiety are also contagious and a big issue for your children? Our children need us to help them keep calm and manage anxiety as it comes up....Continue reading

15.01.2022 I have noticed that lately I've been banging on about what I'm beginning to refer to as the 'bind of the binary'. It's coming up in my sessions with clients on a regular basis so I thought I'd share some of my musings. People are in my counselling room because they are facing any number of complicated and challenging life issues and dilemmas. Sometimes life can be really, really difficult. The suffering shows up as stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness, isolation and shame...Continue reading

14.01.2022 The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you... kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voice behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life that you could save. Mary Oliver The Journey

14.01.2022 I just got a dose of courage. Here goes. I see posts about being productive and I feel inferior. Inferior because I am the least productive person I know and I dont rate productivity like I see many others do. It feels important to add that I dont consider myself lazy. On the contrary I would label myself a hard-worker. Its a value and a way of being that I have needed to do some work on over the years as I know its a pattern of behaviour that is about securing a supply o...Continue reading

13.01.2022 Janis Joplin was referring to her need to be herself and having guts, and part of that was singing the blues. You take what you will from her words...

13.01.2022 Are you getting enough sleep? Insufficient sleep can lead to a whole lot of problems including difficulty concentrating and a decline in mood. This can really mess with your interpersonal relationships - work and personal. Not getting enough sleeping can lead to increased impulsivity around decision making - i.e. decisions to not exercise, to drink more and online retail therapy to name a few. ... Not enough sleep can also lead to a lack of capacity to manage tension and conflict - for example, in your relationship and with your children. When tired, you may be more likely to engage in behaviour which isn't consistent with your values. If you behave in ways that don't align with your values it can lead to negative self-talk and shame. You can end up not liking who you are. First, we need to establish an understanding of what is going on for you regarding sleep. The next step is to come up with a plan to systematically address the issues so you get more good sleep on a consistent basis. Check out the app Calm for free resources www.calm.com Good sleep is so important but sometimes by focussing on sleep itself we might find it elusive. Instead, focus on a relaxation process in bed to get ready to fall asleep. And if you want to address sleep issues in counselling please get in touch. Take good care

12.01.2022 #idling I had a mid-morning cuppa with my brother-in-law today. He stopped what he was working on and we chatted about things. Nothing deep and meaningful just bits and bobs. I couldve delivered him his coffee and gone back inside to drink my cuppa and keep working. ... Instead I decided to enjoy idling. Taking a break to connect. Was I just being lazy? Avoiding work? Whats the difference between lazy and idle? Perhaps not much when you look up the dictionary and they can be used as substitutes. But the word lazy has such strong negative associations for me. I love doing nothing. Stopping. My mind is always going so I need to work on that but physically it feels good to do nothing. I dont like laziness. In myself but more so in others. But maybe they know something I dont know. Maybe theyre onto the value of doing nothing. Ive been so addicted to busy. I can still get that way. And I know many others struggle with busy, addicted to work and balance in life is a pot at the end of the rainbow. How might you begin to allow yourself to idle, take time to rest, Connect and begin to untangle from work and how it is intimately connected to your worth? Image description:Meet Harry the cat who is laid across my lap, with his eyes closed, as were lying on the red sofa

11.01.2022 Nobody needs to tell you the basics. Advice to eat right, hydrate and get 7-8 hours sleep (and let's not forget to move the body, aka exercise) can be hard to hear because we already know it. Thing is, we find it hard to do - for lots of different reasons. Sadly, many of us berate ourselves and are burdened with a vocal inner critic and feelings of self-loathing. We're supposed to be the ones holding it together, supporting others, being reliable and getting the job done.... It might be that your spirit is broken. Maybe it is was broken a long time ago. Maybe it's a more recent happening. If you know you're depleted, exhausted, anxious, depressed, or sad you have needs to attend to. But because of conditioning and perhaps fear of feeling the feelings, you keep going, you stay busy, get distracted and don't go near the root causes. There are too many people relying on you to keep it together. You can't afford to not cope. That's what you're telling yourself and it's hurting you. What can you do? Seek support. Stop. When someone you trust asks how you are, take a risk and don't say fine. Instead, say "I'm struggling." OR "I'm not sure." Or "Thanks for asking, I'm not great, you know." You are not obliged to go into detail. When they ask how they can help and you go blank, say "I don't know yet but thank you for listening." It's OK not to know. If you've been thinking about counselling, maybe it's time to move from thinking to doing. Katrina Alilovic

10.01.2022 There a lot going on. There's a tonne of info coming at you all day every day. Let's focus on making space for how we feel and on looking after ourselves.... I know many of us are bouncing between feeling worried, sad, frustrated, despair, joy, disheartened, relaxed, anxious, fed-up, peaceful, angry, thankful, grief and loss, exhausted, energetic and hopeful. It's completely normal. And there are practical actions you can take to support yourself. Number one is being able to name what you're feeling. Take a moment, ask yourself "what is this feeling?" and then label it. It helps. Look out for some practical tips this week. The next one is all about 'grounding' yourself. This is about bring yourself back to the present moment, the 'here and now'.

08.01.2022 How do you start your day? Rested Looking forward to what’s on the schedule Exercise...Continue reading

08.01.2022 Boundaries are part of how we begin to define ourselves as separate. Even before we have language we have an innate sense of whats ok and whats not ok. Have you noticed if you get too close to a babys face they will turn away? This is the babys using the means she has to put some distance between herself and the person who is intruding on her space. When we begin to talk were often taught to be good, to behave in a way that makes the adults happy. This means unlearning... saying no. Yes, unlearning. Saying no is a naturally occurring skill. Anyone know a 2 year old? And then we begin a process of cutting it out of their vocabulary. It brings up a lot for us adults. Being able to say no is an important part of the tool kit in putting boundaries in place. A lot of us need to re-learn this skill and we often realise it when were burned out, anxious and depressed. Youre welcome to join a small group of women to re-connect with a strong NO in ways that feel congruent with your values and without the guilt. Details on the Eventbrite page but please feel welcome to ask questions in the comments or message me. Yours in clear boundaries Katrina https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/the-power-of-no-learn-to-sa

08.01.2022 Managing expectations - my own and others'. I booked today off so I could spend it with the kids who don't return to school til Wednesday but I want time for me also. I will often sneak off and do my stuff (that often doesn't end well) but today I had a quick chat which went something along the lines of... What needs to happen for you to be able to say, at the end of the day, that you've had a good day?... Lists created, by them and me. Mine includes, start morning journalling (again), prep for the work week ahead, finish the washing and relax with the kids. Managing expectations was something I learnt quite late - it began in about 2001 when I was just into my 30s. I heard a colleague say the phrase "we need to manage the expectations of service users" and I remember thinking "what a strange joining together of words." I know now this is because I valued meeting expectations over managing them. I was the responsible one whose job it was to please and I did that primarily through finding out what I needed to do and doing it. Managing expectations includes being clear about what is on offer and what isn't. It inevitably means saying "No" is some form or other. For those of us that value taking responsibility and are people-pleasers learning to say "No" is a life-saving skill. If you'd like some help with this sign up for this workshop - details below.

08.01.2022 Generosity does not have to equal selflessness. Listening to the radio this morning, I was dismayed to hear them describe their friend as deserving of recognition because of how selfless they were. Something along the lines of "they're the most selfless person I know. Always putting others first and doing so much for everyone..." Being generous is mutually beneficial (good for the giver and the receiver) but not when there are no boundaries in place. Consider yourself in any ...equation. It can be hard. I get it. Please don't wait for the breakdown, the physical tiredness and illness to set in before you feel you are deserving of having your own needs met. I look forward to the day when we're not putting selflessness at the top of the list of qualities we most admire in people. What do you need today? How are you going to meet that need? #notselfless

07.01.2022 An alternative way of really being FINE FIT - enough sleep, good food, moving your body INTERESTED - a factor in developing and maintaining resilience is cultivating curiosity about the world around us and the people in it. When we're curious we're interested; we're connecting to people and the space we live in. Connection to others, to place and to self starts from a place of being interested and drawn towards. NETWORKED - this one is about that old chestnut of social conn...ections. We are biologically configured to connect. We're social beings who thrive on a sense of belonging. Good friends, family,sense of connection to community and work are important ingredients to positive mental health. EMOTIONAL - acknowledging you are a feeling being is an important step in knowing who you are. You feel, you explore those feelings and through them you figure out who you are, what you want and what you need.Emotional intelligence supports us in having connections with others. Emotional was on the other list and it remains because there is nothing negative about being emotional. It is what we do with those emotions that is important. See more

06.01.2022 Grounding When I talk to my anxious clients about grounding it is in the context of preparing themselves for more advanced anxiety management techniques. It is the first stage of anxiety management. Sometimes I simply call it Getting Ready. Jargon can put people off and raise defensiveness about trying something new. The word Grounding might mean slightly different things to different people. It doesnt have to be ultra-spiritual or woo-woo. ...Continue reading

06.01.2022 Rainbows always cause delight in me.

05.01.2022 Starting with Jimmy Barnes singing Roy Orbison's In Dreams I went down a rabbit hole of more Roy, k.d. lang, and James Taylor. I ended up watching a video of James Taylor and his first words were strong so I listened all the way through, "I am myself for a living." He was lovely. There were 7 themes: #1 Let yourself be rescued - essentially this was about being open to being helped, supported. He talked about how his father dropped everything to drive 13 hours to get James a...nd take him home after he had admitted he wasn't in a good place (drug addiction). #2 Surround yourself with good people I can't recall how he wove this in but the Carole King song "You've got a friend" was mentioned. What a beautiful tune. #3 Take time for solitude Spending time alone, on purpose, can have positive effects on self and relationships. Not always comfortable but worth persisting with. #4 Run like hell This was James giving a warning. He said "You live and learn unless you're getting high, in which case you're just having the same experience over and over and over again. He spent nearly two decades struggling with addiction to opiates. #5 Satisfy your own spiritual needs James talked about how music was his go to. #6 Allow yourself to be vulnerable He was talking about putting yourself 'out there' and how he benefited from opportunities to play to a small number of people on many occasions. It enabled him to test his songs out and gave him space to deal with failure without having it close him down. #7 Sweat it out This was all about moving, exercising. I hear you James! #8 Be there for your children He spoke briefly about how he thinks that parenting is over-complicated by many. He said "simply be there for your children. Be with them as much as you can." He also said, "Be the person you want your children to be." #9 Transcend His final musings were about how music either connects with you or not and provides us with relief from the isolation of life.

04.01.2022 #bencousinsdocumentary #childhoodemotionalneglect #connections #socialisolation #coronavirus If you grew up with exposure to addiction and a lot of emotional distance, then the recent airing of the Ben Cousins documentary might have taken you right back to that time. I just caught the doco tonight on 7plus and now feel the flatness, the sadness, and the despair of the effects of drug addiction. Im saddened by many aspects of this piece of work and Im questioning what it a...Continue reading

04.01.2022 Do you see posts from people who comment about how well theyre coping? . They write optimistically about the future. . They say they are feeling the stress but they focus on the silver lining and their innate sense that they will survive and thrive. ... . They talk about being able to reinvent themselves and have a solid belief that all will be well despite the difficulties and the numerous unknowns. . They do all this in the same uncertain and stressful times we find ourselves in. . How do they manage that when all around them life has been up-ended and there is so much uncertainty? . Do they have a special gene that you just didnt get? . Are they secretly biting their nails and scoffing buckets of chocolate and chips? Keeping the real life hidden and the ideal reel displayed on Facebook and Insta? . Do you want some of what they have? . Dont worry if youre not seeing the silver lining yet or are not feeling all the positive vibes. . Maybe you are using your energy to process what is happening, what it means for you, how you feel and how you are going to deal with it all. . Youre just not there. Yet. And thats O.K. . Maybe you have other big life issues demanding your attention. Relationship issues, financial problems, separation, ageing parents, past or recent trauma, illness, grief and loss or disabilities. . Remember, were all different and comparing ourselves to others doesnt usually have good outcomes. . Self-compassion can be helpful in navigating stress and building your coping muscles. . Check out this video for some pointers https://www.facebook.com/KatrinaAlilovicCounsellingPsychologist/videos/2587172134889376/ See more

02.01.2022 Do you hear others talk of self-care but it leaves you feeling confused? What is this self-care thing? What does it mean? What does it even look like? If you have no idea, that's OK. It's a sign you need some help. Help to identify your self as worthy of care.... You are most likely so focused on being productive and get your buzz from getting things done that the idea of relaxing, slowing down, not being task-focused fills you dread. And if that works for you, great. No problem. But if you're aware of lurking feelings of discontent and find yourself repeating unhelpful interactions in relationships and are ready to take a closer look, do yourself a favour. Allow yourself support. You don't have to have it all worked out by yourself. Seeing a counsellor/psychologist/therapist is about supporting you to take a closer look at you, without criticism, pressure or expectations. It's about you. And that maybe one of the obstacles that prevent you from seeking support. It feels like pressure or scrutiny. Therapy is about you, exploring, bringing light to the bits of you that you keep hidden or don't understand. It's through throwing some light on the subject that you give yourself a chance to be free from that which keeps you stuck. Imagine that....FREE.

02.01.2022 Today I started reading "Just Ignore Him" by Alan Davies (British comedian). It's been in my 'reading pile' for months. Four pages in and there's a paragraph which grabbed me. Just Ignore Him is his memoir and he writes, "This is the true inheritance tax of life. Behaviours and habits, ingrained, your own but not your own, a duty on your existence, a tariff to be levied on those who try to love you." It made me think about how family and our earliest relationships with careg...ivers influence us in ways that we feel, in deep and lasting ways. I'm a firm believer that with support, reflection and focus we can make changes to our beliefs and behaviours. And it is work. Self-compassion as you examine and work on yourself is important.

02.01.2022 A referral from your GP (a Mental Health Care Plan) under the Better Access Programme means you can now access up to 20 sessions which are rebatable by Medicare. This is a doubling of sessions rebated in a calendar year.

01.01.2022 Part 1 - Have you had someone contact you from your past, out of the blue, and its brought up some big feelings? In this video I address what to do if this happens to you.

01.01.2022 I just listened to an interview of Julia Gillard on the Shameless podcast, an In Conversation episode. It was a full, fast-paced conversation and there were many bits I've been thinking about. But one part was the pressure she was under to manage to complexities of the media and how they impact perception and ultimately the belief in a leader which then influences whether they're in or out. She spoke about not only herself but other women. She talked about how she was consta...ntly thinking about how she came across, how she expressed her emotions and, ultimately, if she expressed emotions would she be thought of as weak and therefore not leader material? It saddens me that emotions and expression of emotions have been co-opted by those who spout such nonsense. I get that it was complex for Julia but I also know that many of us have 'swallowed' this nonsense. Emotions and emotional awareness can be your superpower.

01.01.2022 Who am I? The answer to that one isn't ever done. You're a work in progress. You might forget that from time to time and think you're done. You're not. You don't need to go in search of who you are, you need to engage in work and leisure and create yourself.