Lorraine Pentelow | Personal coach

Lorraine Pentelow

Phone: +61 458 749 195

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25.01.2022 Tapping (EFT) is pretty special. I've been using it for years, but took a deep dive into it during lockdown and now it is becoming a big part of my sessions. If you would like to book in an online tapping session with me to work with social or s2xual anxiety please follow this link and click on the 'Book Now' button: https://lorrainep.com.au/somaticsexcoaching <3

25.01.2022 We have far more impact on our own mental wellness than we’ve been told. Every day, we can make choices to create who we want to become. Some ways to begin crea...te mental wellness: - Place boundaries, honor your limits, say no to things that cause resentment - Keep one small promise to yourself every day - Practice meditation + deep belly breathing - Use: the future self journal (linked in bio) - Move your body every day in whatever way feels best for you - Connect with like minded people/create community - Address your gut health/mircobiome - Become aware of unresolved trauma + the behavior/patterns it’s created in your adult life - Honor the inner child: create, play, do something just for you - Practice ego work: become aware of your ego + the stories it creates around your life experience that keep you repeating your familiar past Remember, the brain can change throughout life. New neural pathways can be created with consistent practice. Our genes are not fixed, they’re responding to the environment around us. The body/nervous system can heal. How do you create mental wellness? #selfhealers

24.01.2022 Diet could be just as important as hygiene in the transmission of infection... Before my teacher Ellen recommended GAPS diet to me I had at least one severe cold or infection per month, sometimes even several! After 5 years on the diet I barely get infections, and when people around me get really sick, I just feel like I need a bit more sleep and sometimes have a low mood. On NYE I had my first pizza in 5 years; by the time 2020 had kicked in I already had a cold. ... I can feel in my body and my health the sense in this article. Hope you and your loved ones are managing to stay healthy, both physically and emotionally.

22.01.2022 I love this post! Working through this is difficult and confusing, but extremely rewarding.

21.01.2022 I've been reading my way though Dr. Gabor Maté's incredible books over the past couple of months and I'm thinking of studying with him in the new year. He has so much wisdom on the nature of human suffering and how to help ourselves move through and out of it. In a world that reinforces and encourages us to mask our pain, as human beings this is our life's work.

19.01.2022 Setting boundaries is hard, but it's an act of love towards others and ourselves. When we constantly cross our own boundaries we create disharmony in our relationships. If we ignore these feelings and push them down even further this can have emotional and health consequences for us too .... https://www.facebook.com//a.163507698661/2247229452067311/

16.01.2022 "There will be people who project their brokenness onto the contours of your scars, and you will feel as though someone is trying to cut you open all over again." https://humanparts.medium.com/you-cannot-heal-your-way-out-

16.01.2022 The Buddhists ask: what do you call a problem that you can’t solve? Answer: a fact It is an art to practice accepting things that are outside of your control. #acceptance #knowyourlimits #anxiety #boundaries #lifeofasexologist #surryhillstherapy #tanya_koens_sexologist

16.01.2022 When you get reactive, get curious. You have a wound that is waiting to be healed. - many people seem to be super reactive at the moment, a whole lot more than... usual, especially if you're interacting with someone online, someone who you've been in very physically close quarters with for a long period of time, or someone who's physical presence you are missing intensely, remember to pause and breathe. At the best of times, social media can be a triggering place, but remember not every post, or comment, is directed at you personally, and if it does bring up some strong emotions, get curious! Why is that? Pause. Reflect. And if social media or the news coverage is too much right now, take a break. Being stuck in an endless cycle of reactivity is not good for our health, either as individuals or as a community as a whole

15.01.2022 People ask me about castor oil for abdominal scars - check this out!

15.01.2022 Be kind to yourself in these troubled times. <3

14.01.2022 Some feelings are too much to be integrated during the time they're experienced. Trauma is a process by which the body deals with strong reactions to circumstan...ces that have no place to go but into our flesh. Trauma comes in many flavors these are a few: Shock trauma happens from a one-time event like an automobile accident. Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a kind of shock response that keeps replaying when our bodies are reminded of a previous disturbing event, something that happened in the past. An unidentified trigger in our immediate environment sets off a rapid nervous system response, and our body has no choice but to react. Developmental trauma happens over time, for instance, during the time you grew up. It's systemic, and more ongoing compared to shock trauma. Another way to describe developmental trauma is complex PTSD or CPTSD. Causes of CPTSD include emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, and ambient abuse, such as chronic gaslighting or growing up with a mood-disordered parent around whom you must walk on eggshells. https://ellenheed.com/emotions-embodied-autonomy-2/ See more

13.01.2022 The importance of movement, rhythm, synchrony and entrainment: As it is, more and more researchers studying the healing power of rhythmic movement on people wh...o’ve experienced trauma from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), such as abuse, neglect, or parental mental illness or substance abuse issues. Among these researchers is Dr. Bruce Perry, a psychiatrist and senior fellow at the Child Trauma Academy in Houston who advocates dance, drumming, walking and other rhythm-based movements to help kids with trauma. And I danced for 1 hour today [I needed it] and to a playlist with the song "I Like to Move, Move It" by King Julien from the movie Madagascar [video at article link]. I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it I like to move it, move it Ya like to move it...

12.01.2022 This is a wonderful article about poly 'red flags'. When something doesn't feel right in the relationship, but it's hard to put your finger on why...

11.01.2022 I recently read Pete Walker's book, CPTSD and found this article fascinating. <3

10.01.2022 "Aging" happens in fascia: when your body's entire fascia network dehydrates due to systemic inflammation and oxidative stress, fascial fibers stiffen and get a...nd sticky. As stiff fascia fibers adhere to each other, the ease of slide and glide between muscles with their neighbors, of connective tissue over bone, of organs and their surrounding tissues diminishes. Joints lose their flexibility, and healthy muscles begin to atrophy as a result of thickening scar tissue reducing nerve and blood supply. Lymphatic drainage is diminished, and your flesh becomes boggy and stagnant. Scars bind toxic chemistry to sensitive areas, causing pain, and potential dissociation. See more

09.01.2022 You can have both, at the same time! I suppose that would be the poly version of this meme. :D Orgasmic meditation practice can be life changing! <3

08.01.2022 A powerful consent message for folk of all ages from the amazing Mel Bonajo and Friends. If you're passionate about consent and embodiment you need to watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch

07.01.2022 I spent most of my adult life betraying myself, I just didn’t know it. I learned the model of self-sacrifice in childhood. I watched the adults around me have a... lack of self care. Without clear boundaries, there was always attempts to fix, rescue, + save other people. And not surprisingly, these patterns created a ton of resentment as I continued them into adulthood. The foundation of my healing journey became reparenting. I began with baby steps. Small promises to myself every single day. First waking up without snooze. Earlier bedtime. 15 minutes of meditation. The future self journal (which I would go on to share with this community.) With every promise kept (+ with every time I forgave myself when I didn’t) I was rebuilding my self trust. Self betrayal is a learned coping mechanism. We learn a message that we must betray ourselves in order to gain love + approval. Then, we feel shame because we don’t know there are other ways of existing. We don’t know we can teach ourselves how to keep our own word. What’s one SMALL promise you can keep to yourself every single day? #selfhealers

07.01.2022 My friend Lucy designed these vulva dungarees! Amazing! <3

06.01.2022 "When people who are depressed learn that they are not damaged, but have a good biological system that is trying to help them survive, they begin to see themselves differently. After all, depression is notorious for the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. But if depression is an active defence strategy, people may recognize they are not quite so helpless as they thought."... https://www.psychologytoday.com//we-ve-got-depression-all-

02.01.2022 LM This. Hits. Hard. The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.... Your I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you. From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart. From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave. From all the situations when someone told you we’re in this together or I got you then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too. From all the lies and all the betrayals. You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point. Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE. You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right? You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable. Never again, you vow. But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s a trauma response. The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. You are worthy of having support. You are worthy of having true partnership. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of having your heart held. You are worthy to be adored. You are worthy to be cherished. You are worthy to have someone say, You rest. I got this. And actually deliver on that promise. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy to receive. You are worthy. You don’t have to earn it. You don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to bargain for it. You don’t have to beg for it. You are worthy. Worthy. Simply because you exist. -Jamila White, @inspiredjamila

02.01.2022 Rahi is an incredible bodyworker; this is a wonderful story shared by one of his clients who was healing from mesh implant removal surgery. I was extremely lucky to attend the STREAM training, LA in 2018 with Rahi and had the pleasure of receiving practice sessions with him.

02.01.2022 What is Fawning? Fawning it is a protective state in which our nervous system unconsciously and automatically prioritises our safety over the authenticity of o...ur expressions. The term was first coined by Pete Walker, therapist and author, and has been picked up by many interested in Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory. Fawning is a stress response that allows us to imitate a safe and social ventral vagal state, when we are feeling threatened. It happens when it is either not possible, or it would increase danger to ourselves, to Fight or Flee (high sympathetic responses) from the perceived threat. It is also sometimes called appeasement or "people pleasing. In this state, we may say or do things that are incongruent with our true feelings, as a survival mechanism. We might act in a way that is friendly, agreeable, even funny, even though we are feeling angry or scared (threatened). We might surrender our own needs or preferences, due to fear that expressing them might make us more unsafe. When it isn't safe to fight or flee, then pretending to agree with, and perhaps even flatter, the source of "threat" can be a way of achieving safety. The less threatening we appear to another (e.g. a predator), the less likely they are to attack us. They might even relax enough to allow us to escape from the situation unscathed (Flight). An extreme example of Fawning can be seen when people are being held against their will, and attempting to Fight or Flee will not bring them more safety, but more likely lead to an increased risk of harm to them. This can become Stockholm Syndrome, where they begin to identify with their captor, and feel bonded with them. In terms of the autonomic nervous system, fawning is thought to be a state that involves both high sympathetic activation (stress) and a degree of dorsal vagal (shutdown) engagement. That means that we have lots of sympathetic energy in our bodies, which by itself would make us act bigger, louder, and more threatening. But the dorsal vagal immobilisation tones down our expression, so we act smaller, quieter, and less threatening. (Post 1 of a 6 part series on Fawning.)

01.01.2022 https://www.fairobserver.com//sound-baths-healing-relaxat/

01.01.2022 Before I began my healing journey, I lived on what I called my spaceship. I was always there physically but gone mentally. Never present. Completely dissociat...ed. It appeared to everyone that nothing ever bothered me, or that I had everything together. Inside I was a ball of anxious, neurotic energy. My partner used to comment that she rarely saw me truly laugh or have much joy. It’s not that I was a pessimist, I was just purely apathetic. Usually, I felt nothing. A part of me always felt resentful of my partners ability to access joy. It came much easier to her. Play + humor were not something I witnessed in the adults I grew up around. In my home everything was as serious as life + death which makes sense because that’s exactly how it feels within a body that has nervous system dysregulation: like we are facing a serious threat. As I did the work. As I made those small promises every day to heal (I started with addressing my gut health + then addressed my sleep) I could feel tiny glimmers of changes. One of those glimmers came on a road trip to upstate NY. I was driving our car, listening to music, the sun was shinning. I was actually present feeling grateful. A smile must have been on my face. My partner turned to me + said look at you, you look hopeful acknowledging a rare emotional state. In that moment I knew I was healing. When did you know? #selfhealers