Becky Holland, Writer | Writer

Becky Holland, Writer

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16.01.2022 Today is two years since Eleanors funeral There is no remedy for love but to love more. Henry David Thoreau... Blessings for the broken-hearted by jan Richardson Let us agree for now that we will not say the breaking makes us stronger or that it is better to have this pain than to have done without this love. Let us promise we will not tell ourselves time will heal the wound, when every day our waking opens it anew. Perhaps for now it can be enough to simply marvel at the mystery of how a heart so broken can go on beating, as if it were made for precisely this as if it knows the only cure for love is more of it, as if it sees the heart’s sole remedy for breaking is to love still, as if it trusts that its own persistent pulse is the rhythm of a blessing we cannot begin to fathom but will save us nonetheless. Jan Richardson

13.01.2022 2 Years today! I miss you just as much as I did I felt your last breath... What in this moment is right? To feel numb? To weep? To scream? All of the above? But I write. I write secret words only for me and only for Eleanor. I then write to you because I don’t want this moment to go without something, a word, Eleanor.... My heart was never prepared for this moment. All week I’d prepared myself knowing and expecting. As the doctors called us into their office with their white lounge in a rectangle room, we sat and we spoke of life and death. My mind holding it together until the end, trying desperately to be brave. My heart knew all the advocating, all the fights to give Eleanor everything and more, none of it mattered anymore. Life beyond these walls doesn’t matter. In a split moment longing for her voice ‘mama’, longing for anything that was and is her.

12.01.2022 Remembering...precious moments. 2 long years

04.01.2022 I am working through it

04.01.2022 It is the day before... "I want more time, I want to chase Eleanor in her wheelchair,... I want to hear her turn the volume up on her iPad, I want to hear that familiar ‘mum-mum’ and a ‘hooray’ when I return. I want her waiting for me to come home from the gym knowing daddy won’t want to get out of bed and she waits eagerly for me always accepting and always lovingly. Just a moment, just a second to forget what is now and be back in time. follow the link for the rest of the story

03.01.2022 Two years to the day, I wrote this blog post, two long years ago, I wish I could walk on the beach and feel it wrap its waves around me. "Today I walked to the beach, it was like I was called to it. I felt I needed to stand in the water as high as I could manage without being completely drenched in the sea and pray. The waves and tears blended with my heart. I desperately plead with God, my hearts song, my longings at that moment nothing else existed but gazing out to the sea."