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Narc Recovery Counselling

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23.01.2022 What does self love mean to you? Self love is more than self care. While bubble baths and massages are acts of self love, I am talking about something deeper. ... Self love is knowing - really knowing - that you are enough, exactly as you are, in all your imperfect human glory. Self love is allowing yourself to try and fail and feel good about yourself for giving it a go regardless. Self love is having a day of lying on the couch eating junk food and watching trash tv and accepting that it’s completely okay to rest your sad and weary self when you need to. Self love is taking up whatever space you need and never asking for permission or apologising for your miraculous existence. Self love is balancing the voice of the inner-critic with the emotional needs of the inner-child by remaining connected to your true self. Self love is never sacrificing your own self for the needs of someone else. If you need help with making sense of a toxic ex, I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

23.01.2022 Evil is bad that believes it is good. Narcissists are highly adept at deflecting responsibility away from themselves and blaming others for their own wrongdoings. Do they truly believe they are blameless? ... Perhaps initially they feel it - the seed of guilt, shame or remorse for their wrongdoing. But with time, they will have structured a narrative that suits their story. The story will of course feature themselves as the hero or the victim. Never the actual villain. And they will believe their own lies. It feels better for them to continue to be entirely blameless and uphold their own twisted belief that they are superior, perfect beings. If you are or were involved with a narcissist, know this: whatever they blamed you for, it most likely wasn’t your fault. when they got angry at you - it was for their own shortcomings. when they blamed you, it was their own failures and wrongdoings. Stand in your own power and know who you are. You are enough. That’s why they hooked you. Then they needed to break you down to be smaller than them. They present themselves as affable, charming and likeable to the world for the reflected glory (yes, for supply) and actually believe they are someone to be admired. If you behaved with zero integrity.. If you were a pathological liar.. If you were a sneak and a cheater.. If you were a bully.. disrespectful.. two-faced.. .. would you think you were good? If you’re stuck trying to get over or get out of a relationship with a narcissist, I am now taking bookings. Please DM for appointments and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

21.01.2022 If you have been in any kind of close relationship with a narcissist, you will know that it will always be about them, all the time. Whether their children, friends, family, parents or partner, the narcissist’s needs will always take precedence over and above everyone, all the time. Whether you need them to care for you after surgery; attend an event with you, for you; support you during a personal crisis; or respect your boundary, the only thing you can count on is this: ...the narcissist will NOT be there for you if there is nothing in it to be gained for them. This creates an unstable and insecure relationship dynamic. The expectation is that you will always be there for the narcissist. If not, the narcissist will rage, blame and shame you for not supporting them. Their double standard will be frighteningly obvious each and every time you need them. Over time, you will give up any expectation of them being there for you. Over time, it would be normal for you to feel angry at their constant betrayals and let downs. Over time you will come to feel resentful at being used - being there for them but they are only there for themselves. Normal full grown adults don’t give to get but narcissists do. Their interest and energy in you is juuust enough to keep you hooked as supply. Save your time and energy. You deserve the same love and attention you give others. If the narc cannot give it, no matter. You have yourself. Remember to love yourself first. Everything else will fall into place. . . I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

19.01.2022 Have you ever just loved yourself? You - yourself - are a whole complete, contained unit. You do not need another person to function. ... You on your own are able to engage in complex thinking and tasks like driving, doing cartwheels or creating art. Without even thinking about it, your body will breathe, digest, filter, excrete. It does this alone without the need for attachment or input from another body. Apart from making more people, there is nothing about your mind, body, emotions, spirit that needs another person to function effectively. Breaking the trauma bond and maintaining No Contact feels overwhelming. The craving for the neurotransmitter - dopamine - makes us feel like we will die without the narcissist. We feel deep emotional and physical pain likened to drug addicts withdrawing - they too are withdrawing from dopamine, the feel good neurotransmitter. Once you realise this - and remember the narcissist for who they really are - you can understand that you don’t actually miss them. Remember this: you alone are a complete unit. You are enough. When expressing gratitude for all that you have, remember to say a little thank you to your body for all it does. Thank you Body . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

18.01.2022 For the narcissist, it is impossible for them to give you basic human requirements. emotional connection security love stability ... support They quite simply will not be there for you UNLESS there is something in it for them. They will expect all this and more from you. And if, one time, you need them to be on your side, if you utter one word to point out you’d do it for them, they will immediately turn all your loving care against you: Don’t bother helping me then, if it’s such a burden. I should have known you’d keep score to lord it over me later. I never asked you to! You give, give and give some more - if what do you get? : Toxic vomit - Criticism. Name calling. Belittling. Accused of cheating. Exhausted - it’s never enough. Shamed - they make you feel like you have asked for so much. Expecting to feel safe, secure, supported, valued, heard, loved and connected to your partner is basic. That’s the baseline of where a relationship starts. It’s not something to aspire to or work towards. The narcissist can’t do it. They’d sooner give you $50,000 than be emotionally available to you. They’ll scream in your face and kick you out if you speak up about being disrespected. They can cheat and lie to you, then act the victim and blame you for it. Do not underestimate the damage this treatment can do to you. The survivor community is brimming with stories of I hoped they’d change.. I thought if I loved them harder.. I stayed for our children.. They won’t. You can’t. Don’t. The sooner you can detach and avoid contact, the sooner you can heal. Much like smoking cigarettes - the longer you smoke, the harder it is to quit and the more damage is done. . . If you need help breaking attachment to a narcissist, I am now taking clients. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gasligh

17.01.2022 I miss you means their new supply has left them. I miss you means they need you as supply. I miss you means their kids have returned to the other parent. ... They miss what you do for them. They miss supply. They cannot be alone. Just because they SAY they miss you, does not mean you need to respond. What inner work have they done? What changes have they made? What will be different to all the other times? Chances are, the I miss you message went out to various people in various forms. Do not feel flattered that they say they miss you. The narcissist is just a predator seeking supply. Please. Remain in your power. If they really want you, they know what to do. No one is that dumb! . . I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

17.01.2022 When recovering and healing from narcissistic abuse, you will need to prioritise your time and energy. While grieving, you don’t just feel sad. You feel shocked and bewildered; foggy in the head; pain and exhaustion that is almost debilitating. When the numbness wears off and your head clears, a whole new range of emotions will surface.... With clarity of thought and perspective, you begin to see just how toxic, dysfunctional, unfair, chaotic and totally one-sided the relationship was. Feel all the emotions. Let it all come. It will take months (yes months, maybe years depending on how long you stayed) to let the thoughts and feelings wash over you. To keep your head above water - and to keep from feeling stuck - you need to take control of your thoughts so they do not control you. Focussing on what you can control makes you a master of your future rather than a victim of your circumstance. We survived relationships with the most insidious form of psychopath. We are survivors. The present is here and now, whether you like it or not. Find a way to make it work for you. If you are struggling to move forward, I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

13.01.2022 Part of self-love is sitting with ourselves and observing our feelings. By remaining connected to our true authentic self, we can be sure that we are meeting our own needs. It is not selfish, disrespectful or rude to love and nurture ourselves. ... We live with ourselves 100% of the time. We owe it to ourselves to care for ourselves. We are allowed to feel and voice those feelings. We are allowed to walk away when it feels bad more often than it feels good. Boundaries are an act of self love which clearly communicate your place in the world. When you sit with your true authentic self, when you are connected to your self: Observe. What do you feel? Peace? Tumult? Numb? How do you want to feel? What actions can you take to bring your precious true self to the place you want to be? Remember that you are No.1 - love yourself more than anyone else. No one should come before your self. . . I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

12.01.2022 Cognitive dissonance is intermittently reinforced by fleeting acts of kindness stingily meted out during the daily Hell of life with a narcissist. Cognitive dissonance will have you denying all the disrespectful, dishonest and dysfunctional behaviour in favour of the person you want to believe the narcissist is. Sadly that person you wish they were, isn’t real. The charming, likeable, affable, complimentary, relatable soulmate you so want them to be is not actually a real per...son. They are a con artist. They deliberately misrepresented themselves to hook you in the beginning. And then got angry at you when you expected them to be the person they portrayed themselves to be. Cognitive dissonance will have you feeling like your very soul is fractured. On one hand, you have the high of feeling like you are in love, you have your soul mate. On the other, the soul mate’s behaviour is emotionally unavailable - uncaring, dismissive, cold, mean, critical, constantly negative. The bottom line is, if your soul mate truly loved you, you would have no question or doubt in your mind of this. When you are loved, you know it. They don’t need to say it. When you are loved you feel secure, safe, peaceful, content, happy. When you are loved there is no doubt. . . I am now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. . . #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact

12.01.2022 For those seeking closure from a person with narcissistic personality disorder. Forget it. They won’t give it to you. ... They will either be too mean to give you something that could help you OR They have zero care about you and don’t care to do something for someone else unless there is a reward in it for them AND They will only blame you for all of it. Narcissists live in a deluded world where they are superior beings, they never do anything wrong and everything is always someone else’s fault. You need to find closure within yourself. Seek to connect to your true self. Define your values and your boundaries. And never settle for anything less than what you are willing to give. If you feel stuck or need help moving forward, DM for appointment times and pricing. #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame

11.01.2022 One of the hardest things I have ever had to do, was face the truth of my relationship with a narcissist. He didn’t love me. He didn’t care about me.... He had zero respect for me and in fact toward the end, his contempt for me was palpable. Like me, when you come out of a toxic relationship, you don’t just feel sad. You feel bewildered; foggy in the head; physical pain that is almost debilitating; crushing exhaustion. After time, the numbness wears off and your head clears. All this does is make way for a whole new range of emotions in addition to the earlier ones - with clarity of thought and perspective, you begin to see just how toxic, dysfunctional, unfair, chaotic and totally one-sided the relationship was. Feel it. Let it all come. It will take months (yes months, maybe years depending on how long you stayed) to let the thoughts and feelings keep washing over you. To keep your head above water, you need to take control of your thoughts. 1. Time - track how much of your time is spent ruminating and make changes to distract yourself when ruminations control you. 2. Control - list what you can and cannot control. The things out of your control (e.g. the narc) are pushed aside. Things in your control get your focus and attention. 3. Energy - direct your energy toward what you can control - your healing, your inner work, your health, your learning, your friendships and networks. Focussing on what you can control makes you a master of your future rather than a victim of your circumstance. We survived relationships with the most insidious form of psychopath. There are no victims here. The present is here and now, whether you like it or not. Find a way to make it work for you. If you beeam now taking bookings for consultations. DM for appointment times and pricing. #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame

05.01.2022 When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. Alexander Den Heijer. The thing with narcissists is, you need to exist for them, to meet their needs and when you don’t you are cut down. Whether at home or work, the environment surrounding a narcissist is about building them up and meeting their needs while keeping you broken and small. ... Existence in an environment with a narcissist is stagnant, limiting, isolating, unstable, unsecure. Existence is about surviving not thriving. If you feel trapped with a narcissist, please seek help before it is too late. All of your peaceful vibrant life is waiting for you outside of and away from the walking Black Hole that is a narcissist. . . I am now taking clients. Please DM for information. #narcissistic #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrecovery #narcissisticsurvival #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #toxicrelationshipsurvivor #emotionalabuse #emotionalabuserecovery #emotionalabusesurvivor #emotionalabuseisstillabuse #gaslighting #manipulation #liars #blame #shame #nocontact