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Nicole Kingston Family Therapist

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25.01.2022 No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life (Nietzsche). In other words we have to create the life that we want and then live it. No one can do that for us. It is our responsibility. It is up to us. When it comes to our children, often today, as parents, we actually build the bridge for them and then carry them across it. But this does not allow them to create and live the life they want. ... And if we want that for them so that their life makes them fulfilled and content, then we need to allow them to build their bridge and walk across it. But just because it is their bridge to build and cross, we still play a vital role. Helping them feel secure so they can explore the world around them and gather knowledge, insight and wisdom, allows them to gather the tools they need to build their bridge. Then giving them the space to solve manageable problems, make their own decisions and trust in their thinking, develops their ability to build that bridge. And finally, our nurturing, love, and guidance allows them to have the strength and resilience to actually walk across that bridge. And sometimes even, the bridge ahead is too difficult to cross alone and so we need to carry them, or at least hold their hand. We can not create their life for them and then expect them to be happy. We can not do that for any other human being. They need to do that for themselves. But we can hold their hand while they do it......and what an honour that is x

25.01.2022 I always say there is no right and wrong, only a right and left. The other night I bribed my son with golf balls so he would stop teasing his sisters. This may surprise you, as many people seem to think that I have very strict ideals about what is right and wrong when raising our children. But actually, I don't believe there is....when it comes to the day to day little things, I believe there is only what is right for you, and you can go either right or left at any point.... So sometimes when my son is teasing his sisters I use my knowledge to create change (my right hand), but at other times I use good old fashioned parenting gems like bribery (my left hand)! Sometimes when my children were tiny, and they were unhappy in the supermarket trolley, I would stop the trolley, turn my back and simply wait for them to stop yelling (right hand), but other times I would allow them to pick out some things they wanted (left hand). Both "worked" (the yelling stopped) and beautifully at that! Sometimes I allow my children to be bored because I know it is good for their brain (right hand) and other times I suggest all sorts of things to entertain them, including the tele (left hand). Sometimes I give them the space to solve their own problems (right hand) and sometimes I solve them for them (left hand). Sometimes I cook one meal (right hand) and sometimes I cook five (left hand). How I decide which "hand" I am going to use, depends on me. Mostly, on how I am feeling. If I am grounded, patient, present, rested and happy I tend to choose my right hand. If I am tired, a bit "in my head", anxious, worried and not grounded I tend to choose my left hand. Neither is right or wrong. Both are ok. The trick is in the balance. A little bit of both creates a family life that is flexible and simple, based on what you need at the time. It also raises children who can go with the flow, pivot and accept change. On the other hand, all of right or all of left hand, creates a family life that is stressful because you are always desperately trying to do the right thing or because the children are difficult to manage because they continuously get what they want. It raises children who are rigid, who cling to routine and can not pivot away from what they want. Perhaps aim for balance rather than getting it right. It takes all the pressure off parenting and allows you to enjoy it and go with the flow of life! So this is me, definitely using my left hand, and having a dirty big box of KFC for dinner with the kids, because I was slightly.....well......shall we say worse for wear (self-inflicted!!!!) If you want help to learn how to use your left and right, jump on my new site and create a free membership www.beyondtheseed.com.au

24.01.2022 So we get what we were looking for. Our fairytale comes true. Our dreams are made a reality. We find someone, we fall in love & we marry them. But then, for some, something happens. ... We either drift apart. Or are hurt beyond belief. Or the love changes. Or we stop growing together. Or perhaps it should, but just doesn't, work. It seems harder than it should be. You feel tormented & lost. You feel achingly lonely. You feel unseen & unvalued. Your heart breaks. For the broken dream. For the fairytale with a sad ending. For the deep loss of family. But if it turns out it wasn't what you were looking for, it simply means there is something greater, something more enriching, out there for you. But to find it, first, you have to grieve. You have to adjust. You have to redefine your values. You have to find out who you are & what you want. You have to break & cry & then pull yourself up & start over. You have to let go. And accept. You have to forgive yourself...of your poor decisions, or your imperfections or your 'failure'. Your ego must find peace that you weren't the one, that you couldn't rescue, or fix or change. And while doing ALL this, you have to also raise your little ones & protect their hearts, the most important part of a separation. Hard???....yes! It is a "hard" that you never knew existed. If this resonates with you and you desperately want to find ways to make it easier for you & your children, come along to my next Seedling Session, Separation & Divorce. I have over 20 years experience understanding what children need to thrive & grow emotionally & mentally & I have separated & divorced while raising my four beautiful children. I know what you are going through, I can empathise with your story, and if you let me I would love to hold your hand a little during this part of your story x https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-separation

24.01.2022 Those of you who have followed my page for a while, or those of you who know me, know that I believe the universe brings us experiences for a reason. I have always taken comfort from being able to find meaning in even the most difficult situations. But something happened to me, when I was a very little girl, which I could never understand. The experience, propelled me on a journey of perfectionism, believing that to be loved I needed to be perfect. Achieving perfection is, ...of course, impossible and so I constantly felt unlovable. Deep down I was always looking for someone who would love me even if I was imperfect, but never having the courage to show my flaws in fear of being rejected. To protect myself, I never sought help, became super efficient, extremely independent & capable. I used my brain to overcome struggle & shut down & away when ever I saw even the slightest hint of rejection. I was hypervigilant, taking any tiny insignificant sign, as rejection & would hunker down & manage it. It was a horrible, lonely, endless cycle. I have been deeply insecure, devastatingly lonely & often anxious. It has been a painful & difficult journey of healing. But today, as I sat opposite the most beautiful 14 year old, present with her, as tears streamed down her face, what happened to me made sense. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong, what I am saying is that in my view of the world, I knew why it happened. Hearing her say the words "I need to be perfect for people to love me", brought about by her own childhood trauma, was a light bulb moment. THIS. THIS is why it happened to me. Because in that moment, I saw her, heard her and deeply understood how she felt. I knew that feeling of being unloved & desperately trying to control your life to feel loved. The searching & desperation. And, you know what, I also knew how to help her. And as I drove home, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was now calling to me. Spending time with girls who have experienced trauma & need someone who understands them. It felt like my whole life made sense and I have never felt more empowered x

23.01.2022 'A girl should be two things: who and what she wants" (Coco Chanel).....so how about we get out of her way & let her x Happy International Women's Day

23.01.2022 Letting go is one of the hardest things as a parent..indeed as a human being. The process of accepting something as it is, trusting in the future and allowing life to carry you to a new place rather than forcing life to be as you want it to be, can keep our brain in constant struggle. I hold on and hold on and hold on to things before finally letting go, and it is only then in the letting go that I actually find peace. My internal struggle ends, my mind grows quiet and ...Continue reading

23.01.2022 Whenever you think, believe or know, you are a lot of other people. But the moment you FEEL, you are nobody but yourself. Your thinking can be influenced so easily, it can be confused, it can be contradictory and it can be chaotic. But when you feel, and you can tap in to the core of that feeling, it is clear and right. Think about it......you are faced with a decision, your feelings are telling you it's a no, but your brain is convincing you it is a yes. It is relaying... all the information and evidence it has gathered over years to prove it is a yes, it is reminding you of everything everyone ever said to you, it is tormenting you about the past and the future, it is re-reading the Facebook post you read yesterday, it is telling you that your belief systems and values insist it is a yes........it is all influenced by other peoples knowledge and information. Things you have gathered externally on your journey. Feelings are pure. They are internal. They are yours. You are born with them. THIS is the reason I am so passionate about allowing children to feel their emotions..all their emotions, the easy ones and the difficult ones. It is only in FEELING that we truly know who we are.it is only in FEELING that we truly know what we want..it is only in FEELING that we are truly us. Because our feelings are not influenced by others, they are completely unique to us. They are all ours. If we listen deeply, our natural FEELINGS can guide us well, they show us the path, they create life for us. Difficult feelings show us which way not to go, good feelings show us the direction to go. If we rescue our children constantly from the difficult feelings, we are robbing them of one of the key ways they learn which way not to go. If they only feel the easy feelings, they stray far from the path of who they are and become a mess of behaviours constantly trying to maintain those easy feelings. Their personalities are taken over by their behaviour because their brain is so desperate to avoid difficult feelings and almost addicted to feeling the quick hit of dopamine that pleasure brings. But pleasure is not the same as happiness. It is short lived and simply produces behaviour which attracts another quick hit. Rather than behaviour which creates long lasting, deep, soulful happiness. Our children, indeed we, need to feel both the easy and the difficult feelings to truly see the path we want to follow and the path that will create the life we want. If you want help to allow your children to feel these big, difficult feelings, jump on and create a free membership on my site www.beyondtheseed.com x

22.01.2022 Sitting at the dinner table with my client the other night, she asked why she couldn't just give her daughter the dessert even though she hadn't even eaten one single bite of her dinner. Her daughter was crying. Isn’t it helping her though? she asked. No I replied It is rescuing her. All you are trying to do is stop her upset. Which is fine. But if that is what you always do, she will never learn that her choices have consequences and therefore not grow to make differe...Continue reading

21.01.2022 I can't imagine a life without the beautiful families I work with. Thankyou so so much for trusting me with your precious children & sharing your journey with me. I am so very blessed x

20.01.2022 Some people make you fall more in love with life & some people make you struggle with it. Some people make you like yourself more and some make you despise yourself. Some people make you feel free and alive and others make you feel trapped and weighed down.... Some people bring peace to your mind and some bring torment. Some people make you feel like you belong and others make you feel lonely. Some people fill your heart and soul and others deplete it. Some people just fit. Find the people that fit x

19.01.2022 Mark Manson aptly says healthy love is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems with each other’s support. Although we can not apply this fully to our children, because they are still growing, we can take something from it and we can begin to raise them in a way which encourages them to acknowledge and address their own problems. Yes, often as parents, we have to rescue and fix. It is a necessary and important part of our children feeling safe... and secure. And when it comes to distress and anguish, protecting them, so that situations do not cause them life long fears or issues is vital as parents. So I am not talking about the big problems, I am talking about the little ones. The manageable ones. The ones that do not cause distress, anguish or anxiety, but perhaps make them feel a little uncomfortable. If we constantly rescue and fix all these manageable (but uncomfortable) problems, we do not give our children the space to learn to acknowledge and address their own problems. Instead we will teach them that they are entitled to other people constantly fixing their problems for them. When problems arise, they will learn to sit back and wait for someone else to rescue them, taking little responsibility for their actions and the consequences of those actions. Small manageable problems children can cope with arenot getting the coloured plate they wanted, sitting at a different spot at the table than they would like, having a teacher they don’t click with, having a relief teacher for the day, being a little hungry, waiting the car trip for a drink, not having their device for a day, waiting for their meal at a restaurant...every day, small manageable problems. I understand that many children today do not cope with these problems. What I am saying is their brains are naturally well equipped to cope with them and if given the space and time, will learn to. If we allow just a little time and space when our children are faced with these small manageable problems, before we swoop in and fix them, we are giving our children the opportunity to learn to acknowledge and address them. They won’t always be able to do this successfully, but they will begin to learn how to. And that is the key..learning how to.not successfully.acknowledging and addressing their own problems. If we continue to do this as they grow, they will develop into adults who are responsible, who respect others, and who are able to engage in healthy forms of love..for themselves, those around them and the world they live in x If you want to learn ways to allow these small manageable problems so that your child develops their ability to acknowledge and address them, jump in and create yourself a FREE membership on my new site www.beyondtheseed.com

19.01.2022 What metrics do you use to judge whether or not your children are good? Is it their academics? The food they are eating? ... How they are sleeping? The number of tantrums they have? Or is it who they are? What’s inside their heart? Their determination? Perhaps resilience? How kind they are? In every aspect of our lives, it is the actual metrics we use to judge that determine (in our mind) whether something is good or successful.my child eats everything I prepare for them, therefore they are a good eater. But perhaps, on some occasions, the problem is not in the thing or person we are judging, but in the metrics we are using to make that judgment. Let me explain.. If the way I judge whether or not my child is good is the amount of dinner they eat, how long they sleep for, and if they share their toys, then I am bound to determine that my child is not good. Because those things are never perfect. They are constantly a struggle for children. They are always flawed. And that is the way it should be. It is not the child that is at fault in this instance, it is the metric we are using to judge them. Or perhaps I judge my child’s character on her resilience only. For a child who is sensitive, wears her heart on her sleeve and struggles socially, I will always judge her as difficult or wrong. But if I am flexible, and change the metric I am using to make judgments, I am open to a whole new understanding of my child. The child who lacks resilience, becomes the child who is soft and gentle, kind and loving. The child who doesn’t sleep well, becomes the child who is strong willed, determined and perhaps trying to teach me something. When we shift our metrics, it opens us up, it softens us. When we soften, our children do too. When we see the best in them, they see the best in themselves. THIS is when they truly become who they are. When they feel seen and accepted for all they are. And guess what often happens then? They turn around and become the resilient child, the child who sleeps more restfully, the child who relaxes around food, or at least they have the freedom to do so. Because as humans, it is only when we feel truly loved for who we are, ALL of who we are, that we become who we are x

19.01.2022 I am SUPER excited to introduce you all to my new Seedling Sessions......a series of intimate focus groups suitable for parents of children 2-10 years of age. 7th September 7-9pm - Basic Needs (eating, toileting, play and sleep) https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-back-to-ba... 14th September 7-9pm - Difficult Behaviour https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-shifting-d 21st September 7-9pm - Emotions https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-emotional- 28th September 7-9pm - Anxiety https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-answers-fo Come along to one or come to all! With a maximum of 10 parents per session, I will be able to work closely with you to clarify the issues you are experiencing and devise a personal plan to create change. If you have ever wanted to work closely with me, but just couldn't manage it, now is your chance! I am offering the sessions at a fraction of the cost and you will receive personal care and guidance from me. Sessions include: - The two hour focus group - Three weeks unlimited email support to guide you while you are implementing your plan - Lifetime membership to my online program Beyond the Seed (usually $495). Places are very limited so register now, I'd love to see you there x

16.01.2022 I have two FREE tickets to giveaway to my next Seedling Session, Separation & Divorce tomorrow night (7.30-9pm, Mac 01 building). So if you, or someone you know, is separated or divorced & would like some help to support your children through this difficult time, comment below. PLEASE only comment if you will actually come on the night. I will notify the recipients tonight at 7pm. ... I will be discussing parenting options, key supports your children need to thrive, avoiding distress & life time issues and offering personal guidance for your situation. I know, first hand, how difficult this time can be & I would love to hold your hand a little through it. I'd love to see you there x

16.01.2022 All set up & ready to go for our first Seedling Session....Back to Basics!!! I can't wait to meet you all & support you to create the changes you are looking for x

15.01.2022 Are you struggling with your child's behaviour? Do you find you are walking on egg shells all the time & can't really enjoy your time with them because of that? Are you utterly exhausted & have tried everything?... Come along to my Launceston workshop next week & find out simple ways to understand & shift the behaviour! https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/understanding-and-changing-

14.01.2022 I used to think that feeling and showing those feelings, was some kind of flaw. Some kind of weakness. I fiercely used my brain to process, analyse & learn whenever I experienced any kind of pain. I managed to accept it and let it go with ease, proud of how powerful my mind was, actually thinking..."I can outthink pain!" For many reasons, this past year, as much as I've wanted to (and desperately tried) my mind hasn't been able to do that, and I've been a bubbling, feelin...g, magical mess. Along with deep sadness, confusion & fear, for the first time in my life, I've felt anxiety. Crushing, vomiting, paralysing anxiety, where all I could do was lie in bed with the covers over my head. To be completely honest, I used to think that people who experienced anxiety just weren't strong enough mentally. They should use their thinking to stop feeling that way, and let it go & how weak of them not to be able to do that! I know now how terribly wrong I was. Because no matter how strong or clear my thinking is, now, sometimes I just have to feel what I'm feeling. I have had to accept that my mind can't do anything, that letting myself feel it for as long as it's there, is all I can do. As she was getting out of the car last night, one of my oldest friends, whose known me & my brain forever, said to me, "you're one of us now Kingo". And she's right. Now, I feel it all. And being human IS about feeling it ALL. And as frightening and uncomfortable and hard as that is sometimes, it's also some kinda beautiful. I used to think I was super powerful because my mind was so strong. Now I feel even more powerful because I know my mind is strong but I also know my heart is so so soft, and you know what, that's not only ok, I actually really like it x

14.01.2022 I'm a big picture kind of girl. I always have been. I don't parent in the now, I parent the adult they are going to become. I don't worry about the specifics of my life, I just keep focusing on how I want to feel, and head in that direction. ... I don't necessarily seek happiness in the now, I seek contentment in the whole. I don't care about what I'm doing, only who I'm with. But someone recently opened my eyes to all the tiny details. The tiniest of flowers. The unusual shaped rock. The birds on the beach. And now, that's all I see. All the tiny magical details that surround us. And it's beautiful. I was having a rough few days this week and so went for a bushwalk. Slowly, all the beautiful details performed their magic, made me smile & helped to heal my heart. How wonderful that you can meet someone, they can show you a new world & change your life forever x

14.01.2022 This fathers day, I want to celebrate a rarer group of fathers.....the father that, for whatever reason, is parenting solo. To raise their children, these fathers must dig deep to find both the masculine & feminine parts of themselves to provide their children both the love & nurturing, but also the strength they need to soar. They need to both mother & father, in all the tiny moments as well as the big. What a beautiful sight it is to see these fathers cradle their childre...n when hurt or upset, enveloping them in love & tenderness. Giving their whole heart. Laying with them at night, soothing them when they are sad, guiding them when they are confused. Then switching to being their rock, strong & solid, immovable. Their foundation. The simultaneous strength & softness that is required of them to raise their little ones is beyond challenging. But the way you embrace it & and meet that is simply breath taking. Today, as every day, you deserve to be seen & honoured & celebrated for everything you do for your little ones. May the love in your little ones eyes as they present you with burnt toast in bed this morning, remind you that you are enough x You've got this!

13.01.2022 One of my happy places....surrounded by little ones

12.01.2022 In Launceston today working with this young lady. Can't wait to work together and create amazing changes x

11.01.2022 The killer with perfectionism & pleasing is that everybody ends up liking you but yourself. Which sounds a little counter-intuitive because why wouldn't you like yourself if everyone else does?! You must be nice, right?! But when you are making decisions based on needing to be perfect, and pleasing others, rather than what you actually want & need, you are disconnecting from yourself. You can hear that tiny voice inside you, begging you to do something or say something, but... you choose to ignore it, instead, listening to the needs & wants of others. You do not honour your own truth. You put everybody else first & eventually not choosing you begins to effect your sense of worth...."why would anybody listen to you when you don't listen to yourself", and your self-esteem "because what I want isn't as important as what someone else wants". It can even lead to you despising yourself & your inability to stand up & be heard. And even though so many people think you are lovely & want your company, perfectionism actually causes loneliness. Deep deep deep loneliness. Because the person those people think is lovely, isn't really you. It is therefore, impossible to feel connected. Something I am learning is that authenticity, even though it requires so much courage, creates connection. Connection to yourself & to others. Asking yourself "what do I really want, how do I really feel, what do I really need, right now" & speaking it, far out leads to feeling amazing! Being authentic means putting yourself on the line, being honest & vulnerable, and true to who you are & what you need & want. It means feeling like you need to apologise for being you (hmm...yep!) & even feeling anxious & panicked. It means opening yourself up to rejection & risking someone walking away from you. Which...is bloody hard! But being perfect might mean no body walks away from you, but it also means that no one is ever really standing beside you in the first place. And when you find someone who sees you & chooses to stand beside you, especially if that person is you first & then another, well....you'll never feel that loneliness again. Be you xxx

11.01.2022 I'm so excited to announce my first post-COVID workshop...."Understanding & Changing your Child's Difficult Behaviour", Launceston, 13th March. If you find your child's behaviour exhausting, confusing & draining, if you're constantly walking on egg shells, if tantrums, melt downs & anger outbursts are part of your normal family life, if you've tried all the usual strategies & nothing seems to create change, this is the workshop for you. Come along & find out why the behavio...ur is occurring (it is incredibly simple), and then how to shift it so that your family is calm & easy to manage, freeing you all up to have more fun together. Change can be so much easier & quicker than you think. Click the link, I'd love to see you there!! https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/understanding-and-changing-

09.01.2022 A beautiful reminder of the true gifts we can give our children x

09.01.2022 This beautiful family has worked so hard to create calm for their little man. Their kind & generous words don't speak of their commitment, grit & pure love which have been the driver of such wonderful change. I'm so blessed to do what I do x "Nicole has had a huge, positive impact on our family. ... Our youngest son was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition and with that he began to engage in some difficult behaviours, trying to cope with the everyday challenges he now faced. His behaviour was becoming extremely unpredictable, he was always heightened and very frustrated and angry, and tantrums were all too common. He needed help to sleep, eat, play & use the toilet. Before meeting Nicole we were told our son may also have autism. Our home had little sense of calm and it was affecting our entire family. After spending a day with Nicole we noticed a huge shift in behaviour. Not just our youngest son but the whole family. Since this first session back in February, we’ve made continuous and long lasting changes to our home environment. Our home now resembles a sense of calm (as calm as it gets with young children!) and we have a greater understanding of our children’s behaviour to help us each day. Our youngest son is much happier within himself, he uses the bathroom independently, he plays beautifully, sleeps well & is just more content. Others outside our family are noticing how much calmer he is too. We had explored other options and therapy to help with our situation and while they had been beneficial in helping us to understand what is going on, it has been Nicole that has brought about change for our family. We can’t thank Nicole enough. Not only is Nicole an amazing therapist but she is a lovely person and very easy to have in your home" x

09.01.2022 Nietzsche believes that our path through life requires being true to our own secret knowledge. That knowledge that is all ours, unique to us, created by our own mind. And I couldn't agree more. But do we allow our children the space to build their own secret knowledge today? Or do we fill their brain with the knowledge that we and society want them to have? We entertain them constantly and so tell them what they should find fun, we fill their minds with information and so... tell them what they should think, we manage their emotions and so tell them what they should feel and we control their actions and so tell them how they should behave. In the process, there is very little space for them to develop their own knowledge. A knowledge that is all theirs, their secret, private, intimate knowledge. Allowing gaps of nothingness, of silence and stillness, provides the space for their own brain to gather it's own knowledge and generate it's own thinking. What I know about the world is different to what you know about the world. And that is because we were given opportunities to develop our own knowledge. This makes the world a beautiful, dynamic place, with each person having something unique to offer. We compliment each other, can help each other and create balance together. All our children need to develop this is a little time every week, perhaps every day, where they are not directed, entertained or spoken to. Where their brain can create the direction, the entertainment and the dialogue based on who THEY are. This they allows them to become the beautiful unique individual the world needs, not to mention a fulfilled human being x

09.01.2022 I am honoured & thrilled to be working with Adventure Patch, offering two workshops to families who are struggling with their little ones. I'd love to see you there xx https://www.facebook.com/1820173841328677/posts/4111467498865955/

09.01.2022 Can I please have just one more day... To cradle you in my arms To snuggle you as you sleep To hold your hand as you walk ... To read you my stories To be your everything But I can't, can I. So instead, I will cradle you in my love And help you grow your dreams And let your hand go to walk beside you And listen to your stories And watch you find your everything And it will be an honour. X

04.01.2022 When my children's father & I separated it felt like my family was broken. It felt like everything I had built to nurture my little ones, the home I had lovingly created to raise them in, was broken too. It felt like my family was somehow less than or flawed or wrong or a failure. Even, that I was a failure. It haunted me. The notion that my children would be raised in a "broken home", a "broken family" & what effect that would have on them. I cried about it, I thought abou...Continue reading

04.01.2022 Something I get asked a lot is how can I get my child toshare, say hello, say thank you, say please or such the like. And, although I believe these, and similar skills, are valid and indeed something we all want as parents, I think it is more important that whatever our children do they are authentic when they are doing it. If we are able to trust in the natural goodness within our children, and sit back and allow them the space to act from the heart, they often sur...prise us as to how compassionate, kind and loving they actually are. Yes, sometimes they will make mistakes, often in fact, and sometimes their emotions will overwhelm them and control their behaviour. And yes, they won’t always perform perfectly. Butif we trust them, we will give them the space to learn from these mistakes and form an inner understanding of what creates true connection with another human being. Rudeness and meaness, do not. Perfection, definitely does not. But authentic kindness, consideration and care do. If we allow our children (with gentle support) the space to work this out themselves, they will enjoy a life time of authentic relationships based on what works for both people in the relationship. Their relationships will be guided by their innate goodness, rather than a need to please. After-all, one genuine sorry, is 100X better than a sorry that you know means nothing. A sorry that you know will not lead to learning and a change in behaviour. A sorry that is not accompanied by true compassion. A genuine sorry or thank you fills our heart with love. An inauthentic one leaves us feeling disrespected and lonely. It is difficult, I know, to sit back and not jump in to instruct your child say sorry say thank you say hello. And sometimes doing that is fine and even necessary. But if you balance those instructions with space and trust, your child will be free to tap into their true authentic compassion. And when their authentic compassion is free, they are everything you want them to be anyway x

03.01.2022 2020 was certainly a challenging & novel year. I learnt an incredible amount in such a short space of time, and I dare say I'm not the only one who discovered new things about their relationship to self, to other & to the world around them. Here are the things I learnt... 1. The human soul can't always be 'fixed'. Sometimes our experiences will alter us forever, and that is ok. As we accommodate and pivot, we will grow in to new versions of ourselves which can create someth...Continue reading

03.01.2022 This quote almost defines my whole belief system around growth. The universe has ways of trying to tell us when we're on the wrong path. At first, the signs are subtle, they may make us question ourselves or others, and create a slight unease. We begin to feel like there's something not quite right. If we do nothing, the signs become more obvious. Things start to go wrong, and we feel uncomfortable, we begin to struggle more than we are content. It starts to feel hard.... If we keep ignoring these signs then the universe gets loud, really loud & as a result we start to feel insecure, anxious, depressed & our health begins to respond in like. Our minds are tormented & our heart begins to break a little. The reason we ignore the universe and its signs, is our mind. We tell ourselves stories to validate why we should keep going on the path we are...."oh it'll be better when...", "its not that bad", "its good sometimes", "it used to be good", "I can make it better" etc, we feel justified & keep going. These stories are so convincing they can even have us believing that the path we're on is good in fact we want it! That the niggling thoughts & feelings..."but this feels hard / this doesn't quite fit / something is wrong here" don't matter because this path is the path we've chosen! Unfortunately these stories are flawed & designed to keep us struggling. They are based on belief systems we have learnt about ourselves....I need to be perfect, I should please everyone, I'm a fixer, I need to be in control, I couldn't possibly do that.... So instead of listening to our feelings & our gut (essentially our intuition), we listen to our minds. And stay in the loop of struggle & pain. The universe is there is help us. It's designed to make us uncomfortable so that we shift. So that we grow into what we are meant to. Move in to joy. But if we ignore it, our struggle will only get worse. I didn't listen until I was curled up in to a ball having panic attacks. But there were so many signs long before that. I didn't listen because my mind was too attached to my story of perfection & pleasing. If we can find a space to listen, we can move away from struggle, and in to calm & joy. But we kinda have to listen!! Is the universe trying to tell you something?.

03.01.2022 Learning to tolerate the wounds of everyday life without moving into debilitating emotion or thinking is essential for a happy, content life. This is one of the key functions of self-regulationallowing you to feel discomfort without panicking, becoming anxious, angry, depressed or engaging in explosive behaviour. We feel discomfort and the wounds of every day life.well, every single day! ...Continue reading

02.01.2022 Today I'm spending my Mothers Day eating breaky with my bestie & then heading to work to help another mother be the mother she wants to be (truly an honour). I won't see my four little ones, or have a snuggle in bed, a beautiful handmade card, burnt toast or see their beautiful faces. In fact I'm separated from them by over 200 kms. But I will still mother. ... Because 'mother' to me, is a verb. Yes, it's true, it is a noun, and the fact that we carry & give birth means we are a mother. But 'mother' to me, means so much more than that. It is the act of nourishing little souls, being fully present & available, feeling compassion & empathy for them and always letting go of what you want & need to give them what they want & need. We can 'mother' our own little ones & we can mother those that we are blessed enough come along in to our lives later. We can enrich their lives, guide them on their way & lift them up to be whoever they want to be. And we can do that to all little ones, not just our own. Today, I will do that for the beautiful little one struggling with her sleep I'm about to go & see. However you mother today, mother like the sun, so all those little ones who are under your rays, feel your warmth x

02.01.2022 It takes a whole childhood for a child to work out who they are & how they want to be. But in our fast paced, instant gratification world, we often don't afford our children that time, instead wanting them to be their own end product today. We don't want to wait for them to learn, make mistakes & grow. We become anxious & launch in to problem solving mode whenever our child shows that they haven't perfected something yet. When they are not being the best version of themselve...s that they can be. But that imperfection is normal, in fact it is vital to their development. If we rush them to fit in with our ideal time frame, we will accidentally cause them difficulty. They may begin to perform & please or perhaps become anxious or fear failure, rather than becoming who they naturally are. If we try to relax & trust in our child's innate ability to become a good human it eases the pressure & allows them the time they need. Childhood is a journey, it takes time....eighteen odd years in fact. Give them the gift of that time. Today is another day to learn about who they are & how they want to be, not the day to actually be that x

01.01.2022 As many of you know I am a single mother to four beautiful children, aged from 16 down to 9 years. I have been separated from their father for almost eight years now and during that time I think I have gone through it all! The initial grief and sense of loss of the dream, struggling to accept my (what I saw as failures), difficulty communicating with their father, mediation, going to court, oh so many tears, and then slowly, moments of joy and freedom and a peace I never dre...amt possible. My children have each had their own journey with it too. They have managed all the emotions, the logistical changes and the loss of their family, at different times and in different ways. It is with this experience, and my 20+ years of understanding what helps children thrive through my work, that I bring you my latest Seedling Session, Separation and Divorce. During this intimate focus group I will be guiding you through what we can do as parents to maintain our children's well-being during this difficult time, to make sure their hearts are not permanently altered because of the change. I will also be discussing the difference between parallel and co-parenting and helping you decide which one suits you best, as well as tips and strategies to create the new relationship with your children's other parent. I would love the opportunity to support and care for you while you navigate through what can seem like an unmanageable time and show you that you can all come out the other end happier than ever before. Click the link and grab a spot because tickets are limited x https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/seedling-session-separation