Perth Sassy Crime Fashion | Public figure
Perth Sassy Crime Fashion
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25.01.2022 It’s a common misnomer that when committing a little petty theft that you should wear non descript clothes that blend in. Sometimes you have to be a little outlandish to show the peasants that you CAN still stand out whilst screaming GISSS ME CIGGIES YA PETROL CUNT at a minimum wage store clerk on William Street, Beckenham on the 6th of April. Stanislav here has really cornered the market in terms of work wear chic, and if I’m honest you guys, I really appreciate the Pers...ian King bounce and body of that well conditioned mane bursting from his head like a throbbing, er, something that throbs. NAUGHTY! And what’s this, a cheeky thigh reveal? We truly don’t deserve you, you spunky man of the tools. Who doesn’t love a smokin’ tradie? Stanislav’s full outfit can and should be purchased at the following stockist xx https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-william-stre/
21.01.2022 It genuinely takes a SEXY brand of BRASHNESS to take a look at Georgia Rap LEGEND "2 Chainz" and know you can do 50% better. But that's exactly the cheque that Bellvue's BEAU OF THE BALL, Harley has written on a dashing little smash and grab in a liquor store on the 24th of July - and boy are we ALL cashing in! Harley's short textured front crew cut has a Richard Gere like eloquence which is sure to have your mother ready to leap into his arms, but there's something for the y...outh too! It's a party out the back, and I assure you we are ALL invited. Harley's TRIM, TAUGHT and TERRIFIC TORSO is accentuated by a slim fit grey sweater tucked neatly into black tracksuit pants that have an ornate versatilty. This allows you the swagger required to be comfortable at either a Byford Wedding or a visit to the Stirling Garden Magistrate - NO CHANGE REQUIRED. What's in the side satchel? Wouldn't you like to know you cheeky sparrow. Just know that it is available at Kizon.com for the very reasonable price of $99.95. For stockists and order details please visit: https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//threats-great-eastern/
20.01.2022 TBH Im skeptical someone this distinguished in appearance is capable of road rage. Are WA Police sure theyve got the right man?
20.01.2022 Farrrrrk yasssss! Perths most dashing queen is back proving once and for all that leather on blue on leather is as much of a crime as a succulent chinese meal. Put away your shekels for her next Go Fund Me you guys, shes far too important to be a guest of her majesty for the next year or so
18.01.2022 I know things have been hard of late, Roseanne Barr, but get in touch babes, Ill PAY for your dildo needs This is an epidemic you guys. #MakeDildosAffordableAgain
18.01.2022 This is Ernesto. Ernesto thinks Shannon Nolls early work was a little too new wave for his tastes but when "A Million Suns" came out in 2011 he thinks he really came into his own, commercially and artistically. He thinks that whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. Ernesto believes in taking care of himself. He has has a balanced diet and rigourous exercise routine. In the morning if his f...ace is a little puffy he will put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. He can do 1000 now. After he removes the ice pack he uses a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower he uses a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then he applies a herb mint facial mask which he leaves on for 10 minutes while he prepares the rest of his routine. He always uses an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturiser, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturising protective lotion. Ernesto does not WANT you to get drunk, but that is a very fine Chardonnay youre not drinking. Link to Ernestos complete 2018 spring range below babes xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-from-motor-v/
17.01.2022 Vera Wang once mused, "Agility AND Ability is key to Versatility". And when it comes to sashaying away from a hot trolley of ill gotten gains, NO ONE in Riverton has hips that don't lie; like Zara, pictured here on a flighty little visit to a retail store on the High Road. MARVEL, as Zara melds the JOIE DE VIVRE of a tasteful Versace ballgown with the high vis properties of a fresh safety vest from Work Clobber. After all, she needs to be SEEN to be believed. Shall I assume... that IS a führer's mo (Österreichische Mode is so hot right now), or a low resolution trick of the mind worthy of a Derren Brown ITV special? I just don't know Zara. Let us in to your world, if only for a day xx https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//robbery-high-road-riv/
16.01.2022 Dante knows full well that whilst stepping into the crisp Bayswater winters chill, you have no excuse not to look dapper whilst partaking in a NAUGHTY bit of Metal Yard thievery. But his style is not scrap my friends, LUST at the way his DIVINE K-Mart fleece blends effortlessly in to his charcoal slacks causing a slimming effect you WONT read about on "Goop". BLACK is the new black you guys, and Dante knows what time it is. You shouldnt have flashed me that demure little over the shoulder gaze you gorgeous little rascal - no need to play coy with me, you had me at hello. https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//burglary-irvine-stree/
16.01.2022 It gives me great excitement to introduce an extremely promising up and comer, Sashi out of Beckenham!! Sashi, with the assistance of her DASHING partner Meth Craig David somehow managed to jack a vehicle from Maddington WITHOUT STEALING THE FUCKING CAR KEYS! If we can just distract ourself from that wizardry for a moment we can appreciate the STRIKING Friar Tuck braided hair style which really distracts from a hair line of which even Lebron James would be aghast Sashis b...eautiful low hang Jesus piece is available from gatto.com.au for $29.95 and is a constant reminder that even the truly pious are not above a SPICY little bit of commandment breaking! You can be forgiven for coveting a little of that tight fit pink Supre short sleeve number though. WORK IT GURL. Sashis look is completed by an undisturbed Fremantle Hospital wrist tag which really ties the look together I feel. She may not have officially been discharged, but shes probs slick enough to beat dis charge (vehicle theft) amirite?? For Sashis and MCDs full stockist, hit me at my offish website https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//vehicle-theft-beckenh/
15.01.2022 Whats with the current infection of Perth sex shop thieving mnage-a-threes? I know we are looking at recession but is it THAT hard to get awf for free my babes? No prizes for guessing which Peters Trio IM shacking up with The bottom one. Experience is important you guys xoxoxo
15.01.2022 Today Id love to focus the SASSY SPOTLIGHT on Errin, an INSPIRING #GIRLBOSS #MUMPRENEUR who saw some items she wanted in a car parked in Leda and #FocusBelieveAchieved until she MANIFESTED them right into her hands! YASSSS QUEEEEEEN!! Errin is the kind of patriarchy smashing hero who refuses to let ANY glass ceilings (or in this case window) stand in the way of her dreams! UPLIFTING!! Errin is wearing MAC Dazzlepink Dazzle highlighter ($34 for 0.34oz) which has been applied ...by her cousin Darlene, a trainee mortician in Maylands (PM for contact details hun). Her classic matching white earrings and scrunchie combo prove youre NEVER too old to rock Supre despite the subliminal message given by the gyrating pre teens featured on their advertisements! Errins cream knit delib rip has a 70s vibe that wouldnt look out of place in a Kate Bush film clip, yet her black cargo pants are more heroin chic - Kate Moss EAT YOUR HEART OUT Errins look is completed by a SPARKLY side bag from Collette. FUN FACT: I had the privilege of interviewing Errin at a Versace after party in 2016. I asked her what she keeps in her side bag. She laughed FLIGHTILY and told me; Screwdrivers! For stabbing cunce!! Never change babes For full stockist please visit: https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-feilman-driv/
14.01.2022 This is Ernesto. Ernesto thinks Shannon Noll's early work was a little too new wave for his tastes but when "A Million Suns" came out in 2011 he thinks he really came into his own, commercially and artistically. He thinks that whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. Ernesto believes in taking care of himself. He has has a balanced diet and rigourous exercise routine. In the morning if his f...ace is a little puffy he will put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. He can do 1000 now. After he removes the ice pack he uses a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower he uses a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then he applies a herb mint facial mask which he leaves on for 10 minutes while he prepares the rest of his routine. He always uses an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturiser, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturising protective lotion. Ernesto does not WANT you to get drunk, but that is a very fine Chardonnay you're not drinking. Link to Ernesto's complete 2018 spring range below babes xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-from-motor-v/
12.01.2022 Whats with the current infection of Perth sex shop thieving ménage-a-threes? I know we are looking at recession but is it THAT hard to get awf for free my babes? No prizes for guessing which Peters Trio IM shacking up with The bottom one. Experience is important you guys xoxoxo
10.01.2022 *RETROSASS* Flash back to SAUCY SEPTEMBER 2017 when the PSCF team had the extraordinary luck to bump into the famous Clinical Psychology Professor Dwight McCletchie, fresh off an Eastern Seaboard lecture circuit. Looking FRESH 2 DEATH in a Fuck The Haters band shirt (available on the Escape The Fate band merch site), Dwight is putting the Rock and or Roll back into our campuses. GNARLEY!!... Dwights acid wash degredaish blue jeans are hidden by his daughter Nino in an OH SO CUTE Trekko Deluxe infant stroller. On this SPLENDID SATURDAY, Dwight appropriated a few hundred dollars worth of magazines from a Rockingham Newsagency in order to provide reading material for the less fortunate (literally everyone in Waikiki lol). He did so by shoving them into Ninos stroller and leaving the scene in a rush. Making your daughter an accessory is the ULTIMATE ACCESSORY. Youve learned something today my darlings xx For Dwights full ensemble please visit: https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-council-aven/
10.01.2022 The world is a busy place and sometimes it behoves a gal to step out into the Cannington sun without even a SPLASH of make up. And why not, when youre a FRESH faced little cherub like Savannah here, pictured whilst assisting a friend in a little five finger discount shopping. Savannah is wearing a classic, DEEP POCKET charcoal windcheater with a functional white drawstring which is sure to trigger the OCD set with its variable length. SCANDALOUS!! The placement of her han...d indicates she was about to make a real persuasive point in Italian, but we can only but guess what she was about to articulate. Careful guys and dolls, Savannahs cute as a button get up betrays her VENOMOUS side, shes no Monica Lewinsky, shes literally a spitter! Its all in the report you guys! Happy Sassy Saturday xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//assault-albany-highwa/
10.01.2022 Well the Warwick Police have asked for help with the identification of these two specimens for the alleged crime of stealing. Its not much to go by but my spidey senses are screaming at me that ole mate swiped a fist full of pencil sharpeners to tidy that grill of his. If thats not a face like an IKEA pencil then Im not a beloved and trusted fashionista ok? 2B or not 2B darlings, WOW! Jane Doe is wearing not only an orange crop top tucked into black drop crotch pants, ...and a high bun reminiscent of her daughters last few ballet recitals she was too incarcerated to attend - but also a chemical haze induced facial expression that says, I luv ya darl, but 3 or 4 more of these meth farts I have to keep walking through may just be the death of me. As for needle head, well, we knew the guy from The Office (UK) had fallen on hard times when we saw him in all those fucking Pirates of the Caribbean retreads but when the Warwick fuzz come a knocking, you know youve seen better days. Stay vigilant gang xoxoxo Call 1800 333 000 for full catalogue.
09.01.2022 While its refreshing to watch octogenarians propping our flimsy economy by working right up to the cool release of eternal oblivion, its a little jarring to see the guy from the Hide The Pain Harold meme plying his trade in #Perths jewel of the east, #Roleystone. Who knew being a meme superstar would be so financially unrewarding? But Harolds loss is our gain as we observe this ENTICING CLASSIC, FUNCTIONAL navy and white long sleeve zip jacket no doubt hiding a rockin... lil 6 pack from years of outsmarting the law. The headpiece, whilst hard to identify JUST MIGHT be hiding an 11 year dreadlock growth which really ties the look together like a rug from Jeff Lebowskis living room. Whats a little cultural appropriation when youre THIS babin right you guys? Is that.....Is that a fleshlight in Harolds right hand? It must be Bring Your Spouse To Work Day, I obvi missed the memo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//burglary-brookton-hig/
09.01.2022 Hai Frands! I want to introduce you to a DAZZLING little pal of mine, Jaxon from Cannington. Jaxon on Wednesday 29th of August went for a JAUNTY walk to his local hardware shop on Liege Street, and in what was surely but a misunderstanding forgot to pay for a couple of DIY items. Weve all done that. ... But dont let the fact that he resembles a SLIGHTLY less cuddly version of James Corden distract from the knowledge that Jaxon is really quite a bad ass. It takes a certain self confidence to rock prison ready socks and sandles in 2018 (HONEY WHAT ARE THOSSSSSE ) yet be tempestuous enough to THROW A FUCKING TOMAHAWK AT AN INNOCENT CAR. It was a hybrid. It had it coming Jaxon is rocking more adidas than Kanyeeze and actually manages to hide some mufftop with the 2014 Adidas Tricolour EzyDry cardigan. His NMD Adidas Grey 4 track pants are doing a heroic job distracting from his Caucasian non-booty, but some squats wouldnt kill ya buddy, soz not soz xx Jaxons full ensemble is available below. Spread the word babes xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-liege-street/
09.01.2022 RRRRooowwww!!! Darlinks! I am FEEEELINE a little frisky!! If anyone knows this CLAWSOME little Fraudmeister, last seen rocking this BOLD, BOLD Persian Eye look whilst using someone else's credit card he had taken from a car to give himself a little Lift - PAW-lease put them in touch with me. It has been YEARS since I have indulged my Wizard of Oz kink (no shaming pls). He was last seen at a Convenience Store in Kardinya on the 7th of February - it would be a CATastrophe if I ...didnt get my mittens on him before the Pawlice. Ive lost my phone (and all my Plenty Of Sardines leads FFS) so please hit me on my email if you know this CRAZY CAT https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//fraud-kardinya-07-feb/
07.01.2022 Dante knows full well that whilst stepping into the crisp Bayswater winter's chill, you have no excuse not to look dapper whilst partaking in a NAUGHTY bit of Metal Yard thievery. But his style is not scrap my friends, LUST at the way his DIVINE K-Mart fleece blends effortlessly in to his charcoal slacks causing a slimming effect you WON'T read about on "Goop". BLACK is the new black you guys, and Dante knows what time it is. You shouldn't have flashed me that demure little over the shoulder gaze you gorgeous little rascal - no need to play coy with me, you had me at hello. https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//burglary-irvine-stree/
07.01.2022 With respect, what the fuck can you say about this one?
07.01.2022 Hai Babes. Its been a busy few weeks cranking out fash advice to starving catwalk hopefuls in the back alleys of Milan but Ive skipped brunch this morning to bring you Tristan, the jewel of Joondalups casual fashion crown. October 7th, Tristan donned his Black Protective Cancer Council Sunglasses in a (failed) attempt to stifle some of his shine, and sauntered into a liquor store on Candlewood Boulevard. ... He surveyed his surroundings, grabbed a few cheeky cannos of Jacky Ds and some Winnie Blues to enjoy with his step kids later. Emboldened by the success of the current Venezuelan government he thought, fuck it. Some other cunno can pay. When the fascist store worker locked the doors, Tristan stayed true to the THREE Ts of LAZY THEFT -take -trapped? -threaten. TERRIFIC!!! Tristan is looking TRILL in a navy blue Everlast casual jacket and is rocking a Ksubi high waisted vivid blue denim. BALLIN! As always kids, links to his whole catalogue below xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-candlewood-b/
05.01.2022 Short and sweet: It def takes a hard cunt to pick a fight with a marsupial, so knuckle dusters are definitely on brand for this kangaroo killer. No jokes today, just call me direct on 1800 333 000 if you know the identity of this specimen. I want to, uh, offer him a modeling contract offer he cant refuse.
05.01.2022 He sure did expose himself. I havent worn Umbro since my days as a Sicilian crime boss amiright??? Im right.
05.01.2022 To be perfectly frank, Im not comfortable sharing the image of a CLEARLY INNOCENT MAN on this page, but weve chosen to compromise our morals this time cause Ferguss look is MORE LIT than the Hip E Club was last Sunday morning The police if you can even call them that have alleged that Fergus shoved a full bottle of Moët down his PAIGE TRANSCEND - LENNOX FIT JEANS at a Bicton Liquor Store on 22/8/18. Bich please, thats no expensive bottle - I know BIG DICK ENERGY... when I see it, and if we are going to start prosecuting our rugged Perth men for packing more Heat than our citys baseball team, Id better start lawyering up you guys! (Anyone got Lloyd Raineys beeper?) Ferguss tasteful plain collared white jumper shows that even as an avocado toast affordin baby boomer, youre never too old to wear a hand me down from your older brother! BLESS For suffering the gross indignity of being fingered as a criminal, weve created a venmo to buy Fergus a REAL Moët once these silly accusations slink into the sunset. Details below babes xoxo https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-canning-high/
02.01.2022 Its a common misnomer that when committing a little petty theft that you should wear non descript clothes that blend in. Sometimes you have to be a little outlandish to show the peasants that you CAN still stand out whilst screaming GISSS ME CIGGIES YA PETROL CUNT at a minimum wage store clerk on William Street, Beckenham on the 6th of April. Stanislav here has really cornered the market in terms of work wear chic, and if Im honest you guys, I really appreciate the Pers...ian King bounce and body of that well conditioned mane bursting from his head like a throbbing, er, something that throbs. NAUGHTY! And whats this, a cheeky thigh reveal? We truly dont deserve you, you spunky man of the tools. Who doesnt love a smokin tradie? Stanislavs full outfit can and should be purchased at the following stockist xx https://www.crimestopperswa.com.au//stealing-william-stre/
01.01.2022 Its been a frustrating couple of months as I have been verbally hamstrung under a legal injunction from Lois Loders court appointed legal team. 3 months ago to this day I made the following allegedly erroneous statement: Ms. Loder is made from fine aged leather. Now that she has been incarcerated as a prime example of democracy manifest, it feels like the right time for our team to apologize..... To absolutely foooking NOBODY. ... We back. #Perth #perthfashion #perthfashionblogger
01.01.2022 Looks like we made it.....
