Samford Family Law | Lawyer & law firm

Samford Family Law

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25.01.2022 "When we take responsibility for words or actions that have caused distress, we are opening the door to changes we need to make in order to be our best selves. ...Defensiveness keeps the door slammed shut. Defensiveness is another way of saying, 'I’m perfect as I am, therefore I don’t need to grow or change in any way.' This attitude leads to personal stagnation. It also leads to loneliness, as most others don’t consider themselves to be perfect, and therefore, can’t relate to you or connect with you. When we take responsibility, there is an audible sigh from those around us, as if they are saying, Oh good, it’s okay that we are not perfect too [now] we can all relax together in our own human imperfection! Drs. John and Julie Gottman dive into the Antidote for Defensiveness in the new Gottman Relationship Coach: How to Make Your Relationship Work. Shop now: https://bit.ly/2IT2YHi

25.01.2022 Radical acceptance

25.01.2022 Do you find yourself falling into this trap each night? What else could you do to try ensure a good nights sleep? I like mindfulness apps like Calm or practicing a visualisation exercise before falling asleep

24.01.2022 What is gaslighting in relationships, and how can you tell if youre a victim of this manipulative form of emotional abuse? Here are some of the key signs of gaslighting in relationships: 1. You constantly question your realityeven on small things, like where you left your keys or what time you said youd be somewhere. 2. You feel like you have no control over how you live your lifelike not being able to do the dishes or laundry the way you like because your partner insists... that things must be done their way. 3. You get shot down or called names whenever you express an opinion your partner doesnt likeoften leading to an irrational argument designed to confuse you and steal your peace of mind. 4. You question your self-worthbecause your partner is constantly putting you down or attacking your character. 5. You feel like your partner is toying with you or playing gamesas if your partner gets satisfaction out of making you feel crazy or stupid. 6. Youre suspicious that your partner is betraying youwhether its by hiding their spending habits from you or actually having an affair. 7. You have no control over moneywhich is yet another way your gaslighting partner can manipulate you and control your behavior. 8. Your partner makes up flimsy excuses when confrontedgiving you poor explanations that dont make sense or cant be verified. 9. You feel isolated from friends and familybecause your partner enlists support from others to make you feel crazy and alone. 10. Your partner never answers your questions directlyin fact, theyll often deflect your concern by turning the focus around and attacking you instead. 11. You feel like youre being watched at all timesoften having to justify where you were and who you were with. https://parade.com//marynliles/gaslighting-in-relationships

22.01.2022 Some partners avoid conflict because they think theyre keeping the peace. Others stop talking because they fear what might happen after the conversation starts.... According to Dr. John Gottman, conflict-avoidant couples are at greater risk of drifting apart with zero interdependence over time, and thus being left with a [relationship] consisting of two parallel lives, never touching. Dont let unspoken issues and irritants add up until the tension will hit a breaking point. Instead, try using these phrases to break the silence in your relationship: https://bit.ly/2XdhlKz

22.01.2022 This one is so real for me! Maybe a lucky few of you are reading this thinking, WHAT is she talking about? My kidsand the dogare jumping off furniture right now while screaming battle cries in a British accent, and its all good! Hats off to you, my friend, because I would be hiding under the sofa right about then. For introverts and highly sensitive people, a need for quiet is hard-wiredand I think this makes the chaos of motherhood a little more challenging for us.... https://ericalayne.co/handling-noise-in-motherhood

21.01.2022 The narcissist presented to you a fantasy person, offering you your deepest hearts desires. This was a manipulation, a type of grooming to get you to trust them. I am writing this article in hopes to encourage you and remind you of the truth. Following is a list of traits that tend to be common with narcissists that make them terrible friends, partners, bosses, or family members. In fact, when you think about it, you see that narcissists are not even truly likable. As you... read this list, start being grateful for the fact that this person is gone. Seriously, who wants or needs a selfish, self-absorbed, ungrateful, rude, inconsiderate, thoughtless, lying, cheating person in their life? Better to be alone than subject yourself to this type of person for any length of time. The person you are missing is not a real person. You are missing a fantasy of what you wanted the person to be. Better to live in reality than to spend your life being treated poorly by a narcissist. Remind yourself that every day without a narcissist is a good day. expert/2020/05/reasons-not-to-be-upset-when-you-are-dumped-by-a-narcissist

21.01.2022 "Divorce is both a legal process as well as a psychological process. The legal process is important but the psychological process and how it is played out by the couple largely determines the tone and the nature of the divorce. I have found that it is not unusual that the "initiator" has been ruminating about divorce for years. He or she has had an opportunity to mourn the loss of the dream associated with the marriage, has had time to think through what an alternative life would be like and has begun to prepare emotionally and in other ways for the end of the marriage. The other partner, who we call the "non-initiator" may be anywhere on a continuum from resigned acceptance to utter shock and surprise." https://www.psychologytoday.com//20/the-psychology-divorce

21.01.2022 "If all of these ten examples are present in a relationship, it is time to leave. This is potentially an unsafe environment where Person B is likely to get burned. However, if there are only a couple of items, be mindful of the others so an early exit is possible before things worsen." Inappropriate anger. Anger is a base emotion and a catch-all for other more intense feelings such as loneliness, fear, guilt, or controlling tendencies. It can come out in inappropriate ways ...such as aggression (bullying), suppression (silent treatment) or passive-aggressive (biting sarcasm). Abbys outbursts are intense and inappropriate expressions of anger designed to force Brian into submission. No responsibility. When there is a problem, Abby refuses to admit wrongdoing and instead blames things on others. There is a lack of empathy for causing harm to Brian or others and disregard for apologies in general. Constant victimization. Abby tells stories of past relationships where they are painted as the victim and others as described as the villain. There seems to be a constant influx of terrible people who have wronged her. This is a forecast of what will happen to Brian in the future if they end the relationship. https://pro.psychcentral.com//10-indications-a-relationshi See more

18.01.2022 "True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it." Empathy is one of the defining characteristics and foundational pieces of emotional intelligence. Here are some signs that will help you identify if someone around you lacks empathy: They have trouble feeling happy for others. They have trouble getting along with family members. They do or say something that hurts a friend or a loved one, and blame his/her actions on them. T...hey truly believe that the fault is in the person receiving the hurt. https://www.lifehack.org//why-some-people-have-a-lack-of-e

18.01.2022 When youre exposed to trauma like physical, emotional or sexual abuse your nervous system automatically takes over in an effort to keep you safe. Depending on the threat, your sympathetic nervous system may you up to fight or flee the situation. On the other hand, when thats not possible, your parasympathetic nervous system will shut down your system and you may freeze or fawn a people-pleasing response. In the short-term, these automatic stress responses are adaptive... theyre part of your automatic survival instinct. But if youre exposed to trauma over and over, your survival instincts can get stuck in the on position. https://themighty.com//unexpected-flight-flight-freeze-faw

17.01.2022 D is for Defensiveness, defined as any attempt to defend oneself from perceived attack. What's your style?

13.01.2022 D is for Defensiveness, defined as any attempt to defend oneself from perceived attack. Whats your style?

12.01.2022 "Even when their spouse is in need of additional attention and care, the narcissist cannot remove their ego in order to provide support." https://pro.psychcentral.com//how-a-narcissist-treats-a-co

10.01.2022 Well worth the read: Difficult people tend to act worse during a crisis, not better, so be prepared. Whether you live with them, work with them by Zoom or are dealing with an ex-spouse, it helps to anticipate their usual patterns which may include all-or-nothing solutions, un-managed emotions and extreme behaviors. Yelling, blaming, impulsive actions, and dramatic withdrawals may be common. Keep the conflict small: avoid the past and focus on current choices. Difficult peopl...e spend a lot of time complaining and arguing about the past. Be prepared for them to try to bring up past issues while youre discussing a current problem. Focus on what you can do now about it. Have 2-3 solutions/proposals in mind before you start the conversation. Difficult people often jump from topic to topic, bringing unrelated issues into the discussion of your request. Dont be surprised. Expect this and say Lets finish talking about this issue first, before we talk about that. Thanks. https://www.highconflictinstitute.com//7-tips-for-dealing-

10.01.2022 This literally made me laugh out loud

09.01.2022 Feeling trapped or abandoned in an intimate relationship shouldnt be a common thing, should it? These experiences are common for partners who wind up repeating cycles within intimate relationships that they may be unaware of. People who feel trapped may try controlling their partner through hostile withdrawal, emotional indifference, cheating or otherwise punishing the partner, up to and including, abandoning them. People who feel abandoned may use desperate measures (self-harm, alcohol or drug use) to prevent being abandoned, which often reinforces the very abandonment they fear. With this type of relationship dynamic, each partner is feeding into the other partners biggest fears, often at the expense of unraveling the relationship. https://psychcentral.com//feeling-trapped-or-abandoned-whe

07.01.2022 Sometimes its hard to see how unhealthy a situation is until you get out of it. (Artwork by Revelatori

05.01.2022 "Someone who does not own his need to change does not change, and the hurt is likely to continue." https://www.boundaries.me//what-to-do-when-someone-gets-de

04.01.2022 #5 here! https://blogs.psychcentral.com//7-reasons-some-people-actu

03.01.2022 Sometimes it's hard to see how unhealthy a situation is until you get out of it. (Artwork by Revelatori

03.01.2022 The magic ratio is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions. https://www.gottman.com//the-magic-relationship-ratio-acco

02.01.2022 'Some partners avoid conflict because they think theyre keeping the peace. They tell themselves that whatever is bothering them isnt worth bringing up. These couples are at greater risk of drifting apart with zero interdependence over time, and thus being left with a marriage consisting of two parallel lives, never touching, especially when the children leave home.' https://www.gottman.com/blog/break-silence-marriage

01.01.2022 Some partners avoid conflict because they think theyre keeping the peace. They tell themselves that whatever is bothering them isnt worth bringing up. These couples are at greater risk of drifting apart with zero interdependence over time, and thus being left with a marriage consisting of two parallel lives, never touching, especially when the children leave home. https://www.gottman.com/blog/break-silence-marriage

01.01.2022 'The narcissist presented to you a fantasy person, offering you your deepest hearts desires. This was a manipulation, a type of grooming to get you to trust them. I am writing this article in hopes to encourage you and remind you of the truth. Following is a list of traits that tend to be common with narcissists that make them terrible friends, partners, bosses, or family members. In fact, when you think about it, you see that narcissists are not even truly likable. As you... read this list, start being grateful for the fact that this person is gone. Seriously, who wants or needs a selfish, self-absorbed, ungrateful, rude, inconsiderate, thoughtless, lying, cheating person in their life? Better to be alone than subject yourself to this type of person for any length of time. The person you are missing is not a real person. You are missing a fantasy of what you wanted the person to be. Better to live in reality than to spend your life being treated poorly by a narcissist. Remind yourself that every day without a narcissist is a good day.' expert/2020/05/reasons-not-to-be-upset-when-you-are-dumped-by-a-narcissist