Steve Wickham in Perth, Western Australia | Counsellor

Steve Wickham

Locality: Perth, Western Australia

Phone: +61 424 404 911

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25.01.2022 Martyr Jim Elliot (1927-1956), missionary to the Auca people in Ecuador, often expressed this classic piece of wisdom: "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." I recall a wise older pastor[1] giving it to me five years ago and I always wondered the source. Now I have found it! The entire quote he gave me went like this... "God's Word will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from God's Word. He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to...Continue reading

25.01.2022 Individual forgiveness on the part of the victim does not remove the need for justice on the part of the abuser. Psalm 82 Initiative One is often required and the other just doesn’t happen. It’s frowned upon in Christian circles if someone has a battle to forgive someone who has abused them. But the advocating and executing of justice is a completely different matter; it’s often put in the too hard basket.... It’s easier to require the victim of the abuse to absorb the pain of the abuse that’s occurred to them simply because those who would abuse are the kinds of people who slip away from any justice that might otherwise occur. But it also must be said that as a society, and certainly as a church, we do expect the victim to repatriate their loss personally. It’s almost all I want to say, but I can’t leave it at that. We ought to help the victim forgive their abuser, but just as much we should also be ensuring we have the abuser face up to what they’ve done. Such is the nature of the convoluted character of abuse gaslighting, denial, justification, disappearing acts, etc we will almost always come up empty. And it is THIS dynamic that makes it all the harder for a victim of abuse to forgive their abuser this is way forgiveness and justice do tend to work hand-in-hand in issues of abuse. It is why forgiveness is harder overall; because justice is almost never done. It’s the nature of abuser to wriggle out of the consequences of what they’ve done. In an ideal world, a person might abuse another person and then come to their senses, apologise and repent. Almost without fail there would be a quick route to forgiveness, because there is one pleading the mercy of another. It’s actually not hard to forgive in such circumstances. Where it is inordinately hard to achieve closure for forgiveness is when there is no acknowledgement of wrongdoing; no justice for the victim. An attitude of forgiveness is still possible, however, but it shouldn’t be too hard to see why people cannot achieve a sense of closure for forgiveness when the perpetrator either feels they’ve done nothing wrong they feel justified doing what they did or they evade the consequences through denial or lying. One thing we must understand as a church and as a society is there is still a power imbalance. We have less empathy for the sufferer of the abuse than we ought to have, and this is often translated as our desire for them to ‘get over it’ and ‘won’t you forgive already’, and we give abusers too much grace, allowing them to not need to face the consequences of their abuse. These are realities that are faced in every country and culture, because the abused will always abuse, and the abused will always be abused. One thing we need to do as a society and church is to acknowledge how the scales of justice work in situations of abuse. Forgiveness works best when there is justice.

24.01.2022 Gut feels are often trustworthy, and we may have had these regularly when sharing interactions with others around the topic of church their church or yours. Try this on for size: My / our church is a very special church. How often have we either heard this or said this aloud ourselves? It comes in many forms:...Continue reading

24.01.2022 Not a single person on the planet hasn’t been infracted in some small or large way and it is very much the latter when we consider the role trauma has played in billions of lives. For just one instance, it’s often said that for each veteran of war who came (or comes) home traumatised, there are eventually 30 casualties of trauma at home as those impacts of trauma work their way through the generations. Trauma, it can be said, affects just about every single one of us. Yet,...Continue reading

24.01.2022 This time six years ago we heard Nathanael’s heartbeat for the last time. Even though we knew it would probably be the last time we’d hear his b-bumm, b-bumm, we really had no idea how much it would affect us. At school, I meet with three precious ones the same age as Nathanael would be. We spend just a few minutes together, and it’s all about me enquiring how they’re going... What are you excited about... tell me about a favourite toy... what are you looking forward to...... is there anything concerning you? You would think this would make me sad. It doesn’t. It makes me wonder just how precious life is. Like when I met a colleague and she just opens up immediately, deep as a submarine plunging to the ocean floor our collective gaze is on the eternal in suffering as we suffer together, as we join our losses together and agree to smile with tears rolling down our cheeks. I may not be actually crying, but my soul cries with hers. The depths of grief connect us in way that nothing else can. Having thought for those nearly 2,192 days since Nathanael passed leaves me with so many opportunities to grieve him well, to connect with others in their grief, to embrace my wife, for if we have been to hell and back together nothing will tear us apart. Journeys like this bond us in ways that transform us in indescribable ways. There is nothing like the depths of experience that embodies suffering, because the compensation is so fundamentally and indelibly worth it if we’re not afraid of the pain. It is a privilege to suffer because Jesus shows us that which we wouldn’t have otherwise; God’s glimpse of the ethereal in this most tangible world. The fact that we still pine to hear Nathanael’s heartbeat, that we’re thankful we videoed it, that we’re touched so deeply that we miss him, that we look forward to seeing him when God calls us home, that we feel all sorts of emotions all at once. All these experiences together prove how wonderfully mysterious and cavernously lonely loss is. Would we choose it? Never! Does God make something of it. Of course! Can we ever reconcile loss? I don’t think we can! Is the purpose in loss deeper than life itself? Yes, indeed! Whatever it is, we still miss the sound of his heartbeat!

24.01.2022 I’m on the other side of the world from America and I have to say, there’s nowhere in the world you can get away from the US Presidential Election. Of course, it’s understandable; there are massive stakes, and though I won’t give my allegiance here, people on both sides of the RED-BLUE spectrum are feeling the pinch. Like, when did the race begin building? It seems as if it were months ago. And this past week has inculcated just about every single one of us in a state of ...hypervigilance as states called or continued counting. You’re forgiven and understood if you feel completely exhausted. The hypervigilance, together with the mental burden carrying, and the willing for leads to be attained and gaps gained wears on us all. It’s like we’re all been living within a week-long Superbowl, championship game or grand final. Then, for every single one of us, we’ve seen the fighting, the verbal abuse, the unfriending, the blocking, the constant one-upmanship. It leaves us battle-weary. What can be done? Part of it is recognising the fatigue and where it’s from. Sometimes it’s simply realising, Ah, that’s where it’s from... I knew I was/am struggling... now it all makes sense. Part of it is about setting up a plan to recover. Sometimes it’s about getting out of Twitter-land for a few days, a week, a month... whatever it takes. To get some peace between the ears and in the heart. Maybe some of it is about recognising that people with the opposite allegiance believe what they do because that’s the way they see. It’s just like us appreciating that they might respect that we see the way we see for reasonable and rational reasons. Part of it is about knowing that there are many things in this life that we will never understand, things that either play to or against our biases (and yes, we all have them, no matter what side of the political spectrum we’re on). Sometimes it’s about recognising that conspiracy theories take us away from goodness and serve us only to the degree that they weaken our trust in good things even if they do sound legitimate. Part of it is about looking forward to the other things, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, a time beyond Covid. And of course, Covid has fatigued us all considerably this year. And whatever, there is a huge toll taken on our energy reserves with impact on our inner resources because the emotional rollercoaster we’ve all been on, no matter which side of the political spectrum we align with. If you’re suffering fatigue, it’s a good chance the Election has played some contribution for all the right reasons, for what is at stake. Maybe it’s time to go gently and make some decisions that will bring peace into your life.

24.01.2022 What is often both a reality and a gaslight at one and the same time has happened in so many of our lives. People put up a guise with people they don’t feel safe with and then suddenly the game changes when they see a way out to freedom. It’s why women (and men) who don’t feel safe in their marriages wait until the planning is done when a safe path is cleared and their abusive husbands (or wives) are no longer in a position to use coercive control. All they can say in the...ir disgust is, You’ve changed. And the reply may say many things, but essentially it’s, Yep, I’m no longer putting up the façade to protect myself. I’ve ‘changed’ and now I can be the real me. But it always feels like a gaslight; like the one doing the abuse has a right to deflect the blame yet again. Yes, they act entitled. They have for such a long time executed their will over their victim. And resistance was inevitable. This kind of arrangement occurs in all sorts of human relationships. One behaves a particular way and the other must conform, or it’s a culture into which those entering the culture are forced to adapt. Either way, nobody appreciates being told overtly or even more subtly that, This is the way you must behave or else. When we think about the dynamics in all our lives, it’s about now when we think, Mmm, yes I feel that way in THIS or THAT relationship, or in THIS or THAT situation/circumstance/workplace/community/group/church etc. It’s probably only a matter of time before they say, You’ve changed! Or, it’s a situation where for whatever reason YOU are the one saying, This is the way it is. This might be a warning to you to reflect on how you’re treating a person or people. There are times and situations, however, where the This is the way it is is that way for a good and justifiable reason. There are times in all our lives when we do need to accept certain arrangements. They go with the territory. But the thrust of this article is centrally about relationships where coercive control is at play. Wherever we feel there’s a power differential abounding where there shouldn’t be one, i.e. in marriage or any other relationship where equality should be present but isn’t, the dynamic cannot really continue. Resistance must occur at some point. Where we’re particularly thankful that someone has ‘changed’ is wherever we watch on and see someone close to us having to accommodate or adapt to another person in ways they shouldn’t. It’s heartbreaking when we see people we love treated badly.

23.01.2022 A play on the lyrics from the song of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985), on the same day as The Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn, the title of this article shines a light today, as every day, on the Lord God, Creator of the Universe. The Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn last occurred on 1623 and is thought to possibly align, timewise, to the Christmas Star event at the time of Christ’s birth. We have a situation this year, as we had each year for around 2,024 years, where w...Continue reading

23.01.2022 If there’s one thing grief teaches us, it’s that grief is everywhere. Somehow, until that fact dawned on us, however, we were not so blissfully unaware. Well, I know that’s how it was for me. Until I suffered for the very first time, as a fresh-faced and still quite naïve 36-year-old, I really had no concept for what much of the world is like in this regard. Suffering is everywhere....Continue reading

23.01.2022 What feels like tiredness, but is more, much more debilitating, where mental health goes into freefall, the body refuses to work, the mind cannot think, and the being cannot feel, is an indescribable state. It could be just for brief periods, but it’s like all the life forced is sucked out. Surrender occurs because there is no other choice. Whether we call Christ our Saviour or not matters little. As a function of trauma or of inexplicable reasons, whatever, we can descen...d into crashes like this. Through burning out or through grief for loss, and it matters little the victory you have in Christ or anything else you may cling to. Certainly, as far as faith in Christ goes, I know there are those who believe it’s an all-conquering thing, as if click your fingers and every ailment goes away. This is not the hallmark of Christian faith. Faith in Jesus occurs in the opposite orientation when we are weak then we are strong, yes, even though we are weak. We don’t need to overcome in our own strength for Christ has already overcome FOR us. Whether we suffer depression, trauma, anxiety, fatigue, panic attacks, triggering, burning out, chronic pain or not matters little in the economy of God, and yet God yes, God is a sufferer! God groans with all creation. God bears pain. Our pain, most intimately. We cannot know God more or better than when we’re in the midst of our own existential torment. We are in the best company when we suffer. God is close whether we feel God is close or not. It’s a divine fact. When we have nothing left to give, we can know that we’re not required to give anything to receive it all from God; every need, not least our precious salvation. We live in the hope of a resurrection; THAT is the victory of the gospel. It is a ‘now but not yet’ reality, and it isn’t for us to gloat about how ‘good’ our faith is if we can miraculously procure it. Indeed, all miracles belong to God and all glory goes to our King, and yet the King and Lord of glory would not have one person separated because they ‘don’t have sufficient faith’. Indeed, God knows that the person who suffers many debilitations is the living testimony of faith. And what God says is all that matters. May the peace of God be with you all ways.

22.01.2022 What year of school would Nathanael be in, Dad? My 7 year old son asked of me recently. Pre-primary this year,... I said in response, ‘This’ big he would be. Oh, my son said, A little surprised, and kind of curiously pleased. That was that as we sat quiet and reflectively thankful. It was another moment of which in the silence of being to just be pensively grateful. Don’t be concerned that our seven-year-old would be grieving. He’s not grieving, he is just remembering. We don’t forget Nathanael. We keep talking about him because his memory is alive with us and keeping his memory alive is important to us. He is part of us. It doesn’t make us sad. Not all the time. And besides, why would we be afraid of our sadness? Of course, we would have him with us in a heartbeat. As a school chaplain, I’m particularly mindful when I walk into a pre-primary class of children who are approaching their sixth birthdays as Nathanael would be at the end of this week. I look at the way they walk and talk and share (or not as the case may be). I see them laugh and cry and I know that this is what Nathanael would be like. And yet, Nathanael, had he lived, would have been a very special child. Nathanael had Pallister-Killian Syndrome it’s extremely rare; only about 300 children in the world at any one time have this syndrome affecting the twelfth chromosome. One thing we like about the fact that we’ve lost Nathanael from now to eternity is we get to practice the art of loss with our son. Perhaps that sounds weird, and certainly countercultural. We get to practice the idea that we cannot control all the things that happen to us. We try on the clothing of acceptance and we get to wear it as long as we think about him. We get to face those things with our son in ways that show him that facing things is the way to life; that turning away dissociating from stuff is truly death. We don’t like everything about that fact that we’ve lost him; how could we? We don’t like the fact that Nathanael never had a chance. We hate that. But we’ve learned to accept that we’ll have our day with him one day. And that hope is beyond words and meaning in this world. We’ve learned that he’s safe with Jesus. Never more do we need to worry about his welfare; that is sealed. Our anxieties for keeping our child safe have been replaced with a gentle and patient longing for not having him. I love those moments when we sit together literally a few seconds where it’s the peace of acceptance, where the fear is stripped away from sadness, where acceptance is grief resolved, where the sting of wanting things differently has been replaced with silence in our souls. None of us need to tip-toe around the gorgeous subject of our dearly loved son. He has earned his way to heaven in a way that none of us in this living realm can. Isn’t that good?

22.01.2022 It was end-of-year 1998 and my youngest daughter was only six-months old. Up until then she hadn’t rolled. We borrowed my parents’ video camera (no fancy camera phones back then; I had a Nokia 5110) and set ourselves the task of recording her first roll. It took several days of tummy-time, coaxing, coaching and encouraging, and then finally late one evening we got it on film no less! We were over the moon, and the pleasure showed on our baby’s face; she knew she’d d...Continue reading

21.01.2022 The best practice of conflict resolution goes like this: 1) two reasonable parties can each see their OWN contribution to their impasse, because they’ve each got the humility to know they get it wrong AND they have the empathy to be able to see how it feels from the others’ viewpoint. 2) they both take ownership of the conflict and meet each other on the way to the other, to talk it through, both being willing to apologise for what they did wrong. ...Continue reading

21.01.2022 I can’t claim this as my own idea. It was provided by someone I counsel. It is such a remarkable concept that I thought some of you would appreciate it. God won’t give us more than we can handle but life certainly will. The second part of that sentence is definitely our life experience. So often we’re sent things that seem destined to break us, we feel overwhelmed, anxiety is difficult to shake, and we wrangle with depression when grief besets our soul. In this we face a...Continue reading

20.01.2022 I’ll never forget the first time I was cast into an oblivion of pain. It descended so suddenly. I could not have predicted it beforehand. On one side there was one life, and on the other I entered the vast and dark in-between. I was there for months. And in some respects, it lasted well over a year, and in all honesty, there are still intermittent reminders every now and then, as if echoes of that time long past. In the swing and tumble of grief, anxiety came in the form ...Continue reading

20.01.2022 Until recently the only abuse that got any airwaves was the overt physical and sexual varieties, and even they don’t get the airplay today that they both warrant. Just as the explicit abuses captured the lion’s share of limited attention, we can see how thin the societal bandwidth was (and is) for the less noticeable abuses psychological, emotional, spiritual, financial and social abuse and neglect, to name them. These more subtle varieties of abuse are played out in home...Continue reading

20.01.2022 Suffering and silence seem to go hand-in-hand. Chances are if you are suffering right now, you are doing so in such silence of isolation there is little hope of help. We often feel hamstrung to reach out, because we don’t want to be a burden, or we don’t feel we can, or there isn’t the help available, or thought of any interaction is just the most lamentable thought. There are so many reasons why we suffer in silence. At least as we suffer in silence, we have permission... to suffer as we would like to suffer. Strange is that might seem to read. When we are battling for the strength to go on, somehow we need the voice of inner wisdom to kick in and tell us things like, It’s okay, this too shall pass, and, Be gentle with yourself... remember, you can get through this one day at a time. But we are likelier to be hard on ourselves and to think that what we’re experiencing will either never end or feel that the present moment is untenable. These are incredibly real feelings that can only be overcome through a mind that calms the heart; that causes us to sit and be with oneself. But I have to say, this can feel impossible to do. As we attempt to do that, as we attend to ourselves, because frankly we have little or no energy left to do anything else, we might notice what’s going on not only in our minds, and what we are feeling, and very importantly what is going on in our bodies. Of course, it can be very disconcerting, especially as we realise what we are feeling. But being present with and for ourselves is what can genuinely get us through such a dark time. There is probably no substitute for support at times when we are battling for the strength to go on, but I’m not presuming here that you’re in the place to reach out. Reaching out in these circumstances, however, really is a step of faith, and rarely do such steps backfire if we can find a trusted, safe friend to sit with us, who will listen and kindly not try and fix us. Please know that whatever you’re feeling is not something you should feel guilty or ashamed about. To desperately want to be relieved of the pain is normal. To want to be done with the pain is normal. To you want to escape is also normal. What is also normal is the inner desire to get to a place where life and hope and joy and peace can begin again. If you keep stepping, one day at a time, one moment at a time, and stay safe, this grief, too, shall pass. If you feel you need to reach out, here are international helplines: https://checkpointorg.com/global/

19.01.2022 There shouldn’t be much that separates one Christian from another, and from an eternal perspective there may not be an iota of difference (only God knows), but there are worlds of difference between one kind of Christian and another. Take me as a case in point. From the day I was baptised on December 16, 1990 until the day my first marriage collapsed September 22, 2003 I had no idea there was this divide between real faith and fake faith. Well, I guess from hindsight pe...Continue reading

19.01.2022 Just wondering if you have any advice for dealing with PTSD flashbacks? I experienced bullying, financial and spiritual abuse at my previous work as an assistant minister in an Anglican Church. I finally made the decision to leave when I could bear it no longer. Unfortunately I did not leave soon enough and have since been diagnosed by my doctor with PTSD. I have tried counselling with a psychologist and am taking medication however the counselling had practically no effect, whereas the medication has only had a modest effect. When these flashbacks occur they are crippling. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.

19.01.2022 Authenticity, genuineness, candor, intimacy. These are all hard things to achieve. But they don’t have to be. You might be thinking it’s not worth the risk, the effort, the shame for getting wrong, the punishment of other people’s reactions. But it’s a reality that we cannot grow and become all we can become without being vulnerable without trusting ourselves to something, someone. Too many of us have been burned, it’s true. Betrayal and disappointment lay the fresh st...Continue reading

18.01.2022 In terms of both personal recovery and hope for a relationship, repentance is often the key; to recognise the wrong, confess it, turn around the attitude in accord with opposite behaviours, and then to actually prove the transformation valid months into years for the rest of one’s life. You may be interested in this article if someone you know a partner (or ex-partner), a son or daughter, a mother or father, a best friend has promised to turn their life around. It could b...Continue reading

18.01.2022 1. Unless it was a dead heat, you beat all the other sperm to the egg. 2. You survived in utero. 3. You graduated that dark comfy existence to experience light and breath. 4. Your body was able to stomach food, grow and thrive. 5. However little or much you got, you were worthy of and received nurture....Continue reading

17.01.2022 Love in relationships the idea of safety, equality and mutual respect is all about recognising and equalising any power differential that exists. For one basic example, men typically (though not always) have a physical power over women. Men who are inclined to use this power also have a temperament that exerts that power. The power differential is obvious. If we wish to be loving toward a person, in other words serve them and be there for them, being kind, patient and r...Continue reading

17.01.2022 One of the things I’ve been learning about myself over the past five years is how sensitive I am to feeling or being misunderstand. I’ve come to recognise it’s something that many people are sensitive about. Indeed, it wasn’t until I heard Dr Rod Wilson of Regent College cite in a live on-campus talk he did that he had the same sensitivity that I discovered it was okay. We’re not weak for being sensitive. Too easily we buy in to the rhetoric that being sensitive is not okay... I mean where does that come from when Paul, Timothy and even Jesus (among so many more figures of the Bible) were sensitive types? Just because these were sensitive, it doesn’t mean they weren’t courageous. They were. Learning this about myself has made me more empathetic toward others, especially others who have been caught up in the toxic environment of an abusive dynamic. An example of something many people misunderstand because they’ve never experienced true abuse is contained within a meme I saw posted by a few people from the following alleged ‘paraphrase’ from Brené Brown: When someone spews something really hurtful, don’t pick it up and hold it and rub it into your heart and snuggle with it and carry it around for a long time. Don’t even put energy into kicking it to the curb. You gotta see it and step OVER it or go AROUND it and keep going. This could allude to the idea that abuse is a once-off thing that is easily dismissed. The trouble is, when someone is in a toxic environment that seems impossible to get out of, it’s not a matter of something, i.e. one thing, or every now and then, being spewed on them. It’s happening regularly and they have no easy retreat. It’s not as easy to step OVER it or go AROUND it. The trouble with such a quote is it’s a battered wife or partner who it’s implied who sticks around for more. Of course they don’t stick around for more. It’s an oversimplification to think they have 100 percent control over what they or others do. Often there are complicating factors as to why an abuse dynamic remains in a person’s life. Often, it’s not so easy to up and leave. It may frustrate you immensely watching on, but there are always reasons why dogs return to their vomit (I’m using an analogy, not saying abuse victims are dogs). It’s far too easy for people to say, Forgiveness is easy; don’t let it hurt and don’t get bitter in the first place. I can tell you from firsthand experience, having had this kind of attitude once-upon-a-time, that there are situations and circumstances that keep you in an abusive dynamic. It’s the way of the world of narcissists and first-class manipulators, and blind supporters of these who are part of the narcissist’s cheer club, enabling them, that make it possible for someone to be villainised while also being the victim. Few people, I can assure you, intentionally roll in the spew. But it APPEARS that way to the uninitiated.

17.01.2022 People know it’s a risk to get involved in abuse to get in the middle of it and advocate so, very sadly, it’s the default to notice something’s not quite right and to make the choice to move on without saying or doing anything. But what did the Good Samaritan do? He got involved. There are just as many, however, who don’t get involved, because they don’t see it. They haven’t truly been awakened to it. And many don’t want to see it. It doesn’t pay to see it. Have you ...Continue reading

16.01.2022 By no means will I give a concise compendium of traits about the trustworthy here, but in a world where spin and manipulation are far too common, at least we can get the juices flowing. Seven signs to look for in people who can be trusted: 1. They take your word in other words, they trust us. Trust is reciprocal. When someone trusts us, they don’t feel threatened by us, we’re less likely to feel threatened by them. By trusting us at our word, they don’t demand anything o...Continue reading

15.01.2022 We all know that jokes are funny because there is both a raw element of truth about them AND they take that truth to the absolute extremities of absurdity. It’s like this photo of an advertisement in the paper. It’s very funny. Of course it is. I love a good laugh as much as anyone. But there’s a real hint of truth in it. What if a percentage of the 50 percent of pastors who are no longer pastoring were burned out because they kept up to the lofty and unreachable standar...ds of some congregants? What about the wives of pastors out there looking at this and thinking, Wow, that was me; we did all those things, and little wonder we were exhausted out of the ministry. What about the children of those pastors who have now grown up have seen enough of the church, thank you very much? Perhaps they saw their parents give their all to their local church, and maybe they saw their parents count it all joy, until that infamous member’s meeting came up and Dad found himself out of a job. I really wonder about the children of pastors. I know from my own life the countless times ministry has interrupted family life, and yet I know this happens in all families regarding work. Yet, with some there comes the expectation that you exist for them at any opportunity that they choose. I know that there is the opposite kind of pastor who gets all of life easy, or at least that’s the way it can seem. There are those who lord it over others, but that’s not the majority. Most work their guts out. They’re either thought too much of (which is not good) or too little of. And their families can tend to pay the price. I know there are pastors’ families who have had a great experience of being there for each other; the pressure bonded them. But there are many pastors’ families silently doing it tough, feeling alone and unsupported, now and historically. And it can often be for one or two loud and unreasonable voices. Haven’t you noticed in your own life how it doesn’t matter how much encouragement there is if there’s some persistent though seemingly small discouragement? If we see our pastor and their partner and children always working hard, especially through occasional painted on smiles, give them more than a prayer.

15.01.2022 I feel as if this world chews highly sensitive people up and spits them out, I said to a counselling colleague one day over coffee. His response astounded me. Imagine if only we had more highly sensitive people and how much better the world would be for it! Without going into the differences of introverts, highly sensitive people and empaths, among other terms, we can know that life is hard for anyone who is so emotionally intelligent that they literally feel everything...Continue reading

14.01.2022 There is an incredibly valuable opportunity in being mistreated, misunderstood, mishandled, abused or assaulted, especially in God’s economy of things. Even more useful than forgiving the wretch that torched a part of us is the purpose of hurt in the first place. That purpose is learning for empathy. Now that we know what it actually feels like and how it actually hurts, we have the opportunity of doing no such wrong against anyone. That’s the purpose of suffering ... to absorb all we can learn from God about it. There is no better way of learning most lessons than through experience. Some are gifted to learn by observation, and that too is a purpose in watching on as someone else is mistreated, misunderstood, mishandled, abused or assaulted. We watch on and say, No! I’ll not be mentored by that abysmal example. The way they treated you may be contemptible, but it’s no excuse for us to live for revenge, besides this more supreme idea puts forth the power of making something of the hurt; to look to the heavens and simply ask, Lord, what may I learn? Often God can be heard within our spirit saying, I want you to learn to never do what hurt you to others learn that and you’ve made good of the purpose I had in you experiencing this horrid thing. Ever since I began writing in October 2007, I have written to the theme that, Life is the learning ground. That’s the practical purpose of life. It is one way we can redeem the contemptible and glorify God in the process. What we need to do to employ this method is patience and faith. It is far easier to allow our passions to best us and to exact retribution. How many times have we all fallen for that ruse? There is a better way we pay it forward into the lives of those we may not even know. This is how we build the Kingdom from our low vantage point we take what we’ve learned, the toughest lessons, and we agree with God that these disgusting behaviours will have no role and no power over our lives. When we put this method into practice, we find by our experience that God always intended to bless it. What we sow forth in faith, God always gives credence to. God honours us as we honour God. We use every pain, trial, hardship, betrayal, disappointment, broken dream, injury, privation and adversity to say NOT, God, why? but to say, God, You have a purpose in this; SOMETHING for me to learn... keep me patience and wondering in the meantime before You show me what that is... and please make it so that I NEVER do what was done to me to another person, because You have shown me what that feels like. AMEN. What we suffer ought to make us more compassionate. What we suffer is purposed to soften our hearts. But if we’re not careful, the opposite can occur. The wrongs done to us are always wrong. Our opportunity is to right them by never engaging in the same behaviours.

13.01.2022 Our beloved mother, grandmother and great-grandmother had a stroke yesterday. Dad is naturally devastated to watch on as recovery commences. The whole family has rallied in support of her and it reminds me of how much love this woman has poured into her family over the years. To be there for our father, grandfather and great-grandfather is also so important; one of the gentlest and kindest souls. Events like this leave us with lots of questions. It brings doubts and press...ures to bear. Some things go on hold. Others are cancelled. The focus switches to family, first and foremost. Hospital waiting room conversations and paying costly parking fees becomes the norm. But all these pales into insignificance if a full recovery can be made. But there are no guarantees early on. These events have the potential to create bonds of teamwork but of course there’s the stress too, but it’s like a spirit of cooperation exists because of who Mum and Dad are, who they stand for, and what family mean to my parents. Thoughts of how things have changed are already apparent, yet we don’t know if that change will remain, and yet we have to adapt to what none of us could see 48 hours ago. As we gather together as family, we get to share with one another the important things that have been going on in our individual families and lives. Some really significant things! How is it that crises bring us together and re-create bonds that were always there? There are the salient moments where the harsher realities are faced. These are not to be feared, but they force us to ask whether we wish to trust ourselves to those ever-awkward vulnerabilities vulnerabilities that people like me say are crucial, inevitable, horrible, yet necessary, but even people like myself find them hard. We wait without trying to anticipate, for that only leads to anxiety. We linger and allow ourselves that brief sojourn, for we know it’s the right thing to do, even if it feels a bit unreal. For now, we adjust to what is happening in our midst, support and love one another, change plans, remain flexible and resist the want to bargain and fix things. Above all, as Mum would do, I have chosen to trust God.

13.01.2022 Memes for 2020 are hilarious in attempting to make some absurd sense for what has been a year for the ages in all the wrong ways. This year has thrown so many people into the deep end of loss. Myriads of people are suffering a huge cacophony of mental, emotional and spiritual ills. All because of loss, and so often, very many layers of loss. Much of the time, more than can ever be defined. Which is a further level of despair. There’s no easy way to traverse the journey of...Continue reading

11.01.2022 Wherever there is abuse there is the underbelly of manipulation. And manipulation forces a response. We either see it and it stirs within us a response to that impropriety or we don’t see it and we’re manipulated. Oftentimes it’s those who are manipulated who go along with the romance while others who see or experience abuse occur call it and face the consequences because they faced the abuser. The victim of abuse has seen and felt and tasted what the abuser is capable of...Continue reading

11.01.2022 I’m sure you can relate when I bring up the matter of feeling lonely in a crowded room. You just feel like you’re invisible. You feel like you don’t matter. It’s one of the worst human feelings to feel lonely around a bunch of people, especially when you’re in family or church relationship situations with those people. We particularly feel this way when, in our innermost selves, we know we should be connected to this group, but we are aren’t. It’s confounding. When we fl...Continue reading

10.01.2022 The fruit of the Spirit many children can cite... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Each of these is not just a ‘fruit’ of the Spirit, but each of these is also a wisdom. LOVE WISDOM is something akin to being able to love and being able to receive love. Having the ability to love is not something that any of us can take for granted. Sometimes people cannot hold enough space for themselves, let alone another human ...being. Having the capacity to ‘love one another’ (as Christ has loved you) is the centrality of love wisdom. JOY WISDOM people with this wisdom radiate warmth and gratitude and they are therefore wise in the ways of joy. People with this form of sagacity light up the room and they’re sought after to be around. This is a person to ‘be’ like. PEACE WISDOM the ability to live at peace with everyone, with ourselves, with God. The shalom of God’s Presence unto the fullness of life. Peace wisdom is about believing the best about everyone, never losing hope, trying hard many times to believe the best about the other person. Peace wisdom is discernment for peace in conflict with the goal of reconciliation. PATIENCE WISDOM the capacity to nurture calm amid pressure that is able to manage anxiety to the extent that potentially damaging emotions like aggressive anger can be mitigated. Patience wisdom is tapped into when we replace curiosity with panic in an overwhelming situation. (Yes, I know; easier said than done!) KINDNESS WISDOM that branch of wisdom that is ALWAYS considering of others’ deeper needs, whether known and especially unknown. There is no better way to give love wisdom, one to another, than kindness wisdom. It is wisdom because kindness is always an investment for future relational prosperity. GOODNESS WISDOM there is something ingenious and sacred in the purity of integrity, where a person is so committed to self-honesty that they bleed maturity. Goodness always blesses and therefore it is the wholeness of shalom wisdom. FAITHFULNESS WISDOM nothing is more important in relationships than faithfulness; not just sexual faithfulness, though this is obvious, but faithfulness that keeps its promises is a wisdom that sows blessing and accord. In a world where the term ‘anti-trust’ thrives, faithfulness wisdom is countercultural and counterintuitive, but it always works in the long run. Even when we’re occasionally betrayed, faithful responses are proven right in the end. GENTLENESS WISDOM this is a character trait in the wisest of people. They evoke gentleness even as they are gentle. Note the strength of gentleness wisdom; a bruised reed this wisdom won’t break, but my word, what a compelling strength gentleness wisdom is. SELF-CONTROL WISDOM if there’s one thing we all need more of it’s self-control wisdom. If only we’re able to stave off the temptation to have now what we could have better later, our lives will be blessed.

10.01.2022 Love speaking on peacemaking. This is the shortest peacemaking message I've done, fairly tight 20 minutes, so just scratching the surface, but you get the idea. Message on livestream at about 47:30: https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=422086378788758&ref=watch_permalink

09.01.2022 People don’t always see. People don’t always hear. People don’t always know. And this, as a humbling reality, is something that we must appreciate, that we ourselves do not always see or hear or know what we ought to see, hear and know or what others are gifted to see, hear and know. It is precisely why we need other human beings in our lives; trustworthy and discerning souls.... Those who: can show us our blind spots, but do so in ways that respects our sensibilities, so we can learn effectively, and are not harmed. are sentinels for us as we negotiate this, at times, perilous life. inspire in us confidence and belief in terms of our gifting and value. etc. The gift of discernment is also a groan, for I have known so many, and experienced it myself personally, that to see something, or hear something, or know something especially the reprehensible is often a great burden. One of the things that piques our discernment is life experience. Who is especially sensitive to inappropriate behaviour? It’s those who have been harmed previously by those same behaviours, that do or can also become triggers, and unfortunately to the extent of fight, flight, freeze and fawn. There is a sight for these things that cannot be unseen, just as there is a hearing for these things that cannot be unheard, and there is a knowing that can be no longer unknown. Discernment is such a costly gift for many people who have it. There is an inexplicable knowing the transcends even seeing and hearing; a spiritual sense. It is always hoped that those with the discernment would use their gift for good, for warning, for safety, for protection. Discernment in another person can leave us feeling vulnerable to whatever they can see, hear and know about situations. The responsible thing in the exercise of this gifting is to allay people’s fears wherever we can. Perhaps of all the gifts, discernment is the most inexplicable. Those who have it can often feel dogged. They can often feel, Why me, God? It is often a surprise what we find out, what we are given, what we cannot unsee, unhear and unknow. But discernment is a gift to be used for the glory of God, and in whatever nuance we are given it, it’s our task to accept each seeing, hearing and knowing, accepting we’re God’s instrument, and that our comfort is not the central concern. Ours is a sacred mission. Discernment is, of course, a prayer language, of prayer from God to a human being, a very divine Holy Spirit communication, just as the Holy Spirit groans in time with our own groans. And last of all, perhaps the true gift of discernment is the discernment of the discernment. True wisdom is needed if we’re aligned to the vision of doing no harm.

09.01.2022 There’s something we’re all called to spend our time doing and there’s equally something else we’re called to stop doing; we’re to congregate with safe people and equally it’s incumbent on us to remove wherever it’s possible toxic people from our lives. You might think the latter part of that previous paragraph is a bit harsh. Consider the outcome for NOT making an exit when you can. That toxicity becomes us, and trauma sticks like a blade in the frost. Once trauma has...Continue reading

08.01.2022 15 DAYS short of six years and our son, Nathanael, would have been in his second year of school. I am beyond caring about speaking too much about him. I work in a school, so I’m frequently reminded sweetly as it happens; don’t feel sorry for me of what he would have stood like, drawn like, played like, laughed and cried like. *** October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day *** PALLISTER-KILLIAN SYNDROME...Continue reading

08.01.2022 Where it is in us to the detriment of others AND where it is in others against us and others we care about, manipulation must be identified and cut from its root. There is no room for tolerating what is a cancer to relationships. Whenever any of us are honest and don’t be mistaken, honesty is the key we all desire things and are prepared to do what it takes to get certain things. There’s nothing wrong with that if only we can identify such idols of the heart, for the he...art is deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9), and repent of them BEFORE we damage our relationships; let’s not be deceived ALL manipulations are deceptions, and those who would deceive are more self-deceived than they could know. At every level, manipulation is evil, it is immoral, it is a coercion of fair dealing with our fellow humanity, and it is a betrayal and destruction of the building blocks of life: trust. Manipulation cannot be tolerated in our lives, and when we’re committed to this, all our relationships are finally on a better (though not easier) footing. Truth may reign. And from this standpoint, having rooted it out of our own lives, we tolerate it less in those who would bring it into our lives when we have resolved to turn our lives in the fullness of the face of Christ, who will not abide in such perilous tyranny. Having decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back, we swiftly move on from all forms of manipulation, deciding beforehand not to accommodate it whatsoever. The fact is, we let a little bit in, like a little lie, and where does it end? It never ends well! When we accommodate people in our lives that are completely won to manipulation, we are on a road to ruin, even as they embark on the full course to that destination. When we see manipulation, and when we experience God’s conviction, we find that we must rally with the truth of it. It must be confronted where it’s safe to do so. And where it’s not safe, there’s our answer. Why do we let it flourish? Too often we let it flourish because we find we’ve been cornered in life and find we have no choice. There are too many situations in life where manipulators get away with it because they can and so they continue to do so. First and foremost, God is looking to each and every one of us to live pure in divine sight. The only wise course of action is to re-commit each day to living true from eternal hindsight.

07.01.2022 There is always a hint of the real in the absurd, and there is no greater absurdity than the humour we all share. It’s the absurdity melded with reality that makes it so funny if you didn’t laugh, you’d probably be drawn out on an ebb tide on the sea called Despair. Life was already uncertain enough in 2019, and within the first two months of a new decade we could all see the Tsunami heading our way. And like all tsunamis, where we always underestimate the water’s insiste...Continue reading

07.01.2022 Dear God This is a prayer, as You know, for that person who is beyond tired of spiritual attack. You know who they are, Lord. That voice that cries out in the wilderness just now, ... seeking to be heard, seeking to be met, seeking to be found. Come to that one now. This one who is reaching out to You one final time, though in fact they may have years ago found You, or, perhaps they haven’t and yet they need You now! The one who has come to a place that resembles a precipice: come home to them in the miraculous way of a sign. For the one who is at their end of their resolve, the person who has tried everything but has come up short, this one who has left nothing to chance, who is giving it one last try before one last try, be to this one a sign in the form of an answer to this prayer. When all has turned against this life that feels forlorn, and the trophies of past have tarnished brown long ago, where hope and peace and joy amid love were possessed, but are now no more during this time, give ascent to Your grace and power in them now. For the one who is so close to You but knows it not, the person who pleases you by not only who they are, but for what they also do, even as they keep working in faith without having received the promise, deliver upon that promise today. As states of anxiety and depressed thought cloud and crowd, as fear contends and sadness evolves, grace their countenance with a glow that can only be You, even as they come to see it for themselves. Holy Spirit, rain down, today. In the name of Jesus of Nazareth. AMEN.

06.01.2022 The sole purpose of this article is to provide reason and rationale for why we stay in abusive relationships too long. When we understand why we stayed, we have empathy for ourselves, the guilt may reduce, and a semblance of acceptance may come. This doesn’t mean there aren’t unintended consequences, for there almost certainly will be, but the beauty of acceptance is we can walk forth into the rest of our lives having made the best of it. What this means is we can resolve t...Continue reading

05.01.2022 In a fast, busy-paced life there are all sorts of situations where this abuse arises. Essentially, people who regularly engage in dumping things on others engage in this abuse. These situations range from bosses routinely allocating work without proper communication and consultation with an employee to partners who regularly assume and expect something of their partner without doing them the courtesy of communicating adequately. I tend to think abuse is brought about by peopl...Continue reading

05.01.2022 Some time ago I awoke at 4:52AM like I normally do and the fog I went to bed with remained with me; I couldn’t shake it. Feeling forlorn and desperate for connection, I cried out in my spirit for God and there seemed to be no answer. The disconnection in my soul was so immense that I doubted any vestige of hope could pull me through. Then a thought occurred to me. Come on, let’s go! That’s all it was.... For me, it’s generally a thought, yet sometimes it’s an action; simply to get going. There’s power in stepping forward despite every thought within to want to give it all up. There’s power in righting our thinking when our feelings will take us nowhere but back further into the doldrums. But like always when we’re there, down and out, with no vision for hope, when despair is pressing in, and conflicts abound, there’s absolutely no seeing a way out, just as there’s little memory of all our previous conquests. All our defences are completely down. Whether it’s betrayal or disappointment or a crushed dream or something else, or worse, a meld of two or three or more seriously competing dilemmas, there’s just such paucity of hope that despair is all we see. And the only encouragement we have is when we read through these words of someone else that other people feel broken like this too. Indeed, if our despair teaches us anything, we see it all around us. Not that it’s in everyone’s life all the time, but it is in many people’s lives occasionally, and in some lives people cannot explain it. Indeed, most of the time we fail for explaining suffering. Winston Churchill is famed for saying, If you’re going through hell, keep going! It’s only when we reach the other side that we can look back and say how far hell was to cross. Rallying from a momentary or even a seasonal bout of overwhelming despair is possible in a moment, and we’re encouraged that the light can break through at any given moment. And that’s the way it happens as we look back. Hope is on the horizon. It revisits us all. Especially the diligent, who have no role staying in the doldrums or receding. Hold out for hope and hope will soon arrive. And even if that ‘soon’ doesn’t feel soon enough, it will soon enough come as you look back. Hold out for hope.

05.01.2022 This world calls us to EITHER and to OR but through neither of these alone will you soar only by BOTH together with AND does anyone truly and rightly stand.... The mastery of wisdom is held in the balance, in managing tensions, enabling opposites to coexist. What are these opposites? Truth with love are but one example. I’ll give you another it’s going to amount to the best YOU ever. It’s easy to be sensitive, to bow to others to give them their way. It’s easy to be strong, to lord it over others and have your say. But what’s better is to say what we need AND to hold space open for others, too. Do you see? There are many environments where being strong is rewarded. These environments we might trounced for being sensitive. There are certainly moments when we need to be strong and to minimise our sensitivities. There are also many environments where being sensitive is crucial. Where to be anything else would only create harm. These environments we might do the trouncing if we displayed our strength. There are moments when sensitivity is THE strength. To be able to modulate between sensitivity and strength is a commanding grasp of wisdom in discerning and applying love in the context of truth and truth in the context of love. The strongest strength is sensitivity in the moment where sensitivity is being challenged. The most sensitive sensitivity is being strong in the moment of collapsing weakness and prolonged despair. If we were to give one gift to this world it would be the strength of our sensitivity in the very moment when the polarising weakness is nobody is brave enough to be sensitive. Just the opposite could be said; the sensitivity of our strength is hope for anyone and everyone when vulnerability alone leaves open the doorway to attack. We need to be both people of sensitivity and people of strength, knowing the right proportions for the given moment, always being sensitive enough and strong enough in more or less equal proportions depending on the moment’s needs. We need to be strong for others and sensitive to ourselves, just as we need to be sensitive of others and strong for ourselves. Whenever our strength and sensitivity are available for the service of others, the modulation of both will be in more or less correct proportions, so long as our discernment is on target. The mature human being has an AND/BOTH commitment to being sensitive and strong, always acknowledging that both are needed in every given life situation. If we can’t be sensitive, then we shouldn’t be strong. For those who are sensitive, being strong isn’t wrong.

05.01.2022 THIS FACT IS liberating yet depressing, true yet seemingly false, a surety yet nothing seemingly for sure, and it's also the direct path to life yet it's almost always indirect the route we take to get there. When we understand this golden truth, then we have the lonely confidence to make the most of life: "I came naked from my mother's womb, ... and I will be naked when I leave." ~ Job 1:21a (NLT) We are cosmically alone. I love my wife yet I will not be married to her beyond this life. Somehow it feels quite a horrible thought that I can't keep her in eternity, but then I remind myself that eternity will be every compensation imaginable. I love my body - or at least the potential of my body - but my cells and tissues and my blood and bones are simply the materials of the tent God has provided me for this life only. We may hanker after the things we've acquired in this life; it's all vanity. When our life's chapter is finally drawn to close we will be at the exact same level as the next person, no matter what life we've lived. One soul. One spirit. How we've lived our lives, on the other hand, will represent where we go in eternity and what we do. Nobody else sets our destiny as we, ourselves, do. But, still, much of eternity is a mystery and will remain so in this realm. We make the transition into eternity alone; we go there alone. But even in this life we have many things that prove we are cosmically alone with God. Nobody can know our true thoughts and feelings other than God. Nobody influences our decisions like we do, and, if we consider that God influences us, we again are cosmically alone in our decision-making. No one will experience all our life with us; only we will know, feel, and experience what God knows, feels, and experiences with us. *** Nothing should convince us more that God is real than by the fact of our being - we are cosmically alone. We arrive naked and leave naked. We have no memory of where we came from and we have no knowledge of what exactly we are going to. But we are alone with God. So many things in life cannot be done any other way than alone. What is a lonely fact is made palatable in that we rely alone on God who is wholly and solely trustworthy. We have nothing to fear in being cosmically alone with God if we accept that very fact. Nothing can threaten our destiny with God. Soul for soul, spirit for spirit we are cosmically alone with God. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/8810923

04.01.2022 There would hardly be a soul who would not want to share if they needed to, if they felt they could, when they needed to. So many do. Many cannot help opening up. But so many also either struggle to open up or find they cannot give themselves over to vulnerability, for a whole range of reasons. Sometimes people have been so hurt and betrayed by those who were supposed to support them that they find it nearly impossible to share anymore. One of those reasons is people liter...Continue reading

04.01.2022 Any person well-versed in the Bible will know the passage that begins with, Consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds... It is of course from James. WHEN not IF you face trials, because you will and you do, and many will they be, as is normal of the authentic human experience. The fact that you and I struggle with whatever kinds of struggles you and I have is EVIDENCE of our faith. If you had no struggles you would not need faith....Continue reading

04.01.2022 Whenever I’ve seen frustration and irritability in myself or others it’s switched a light on for me. It’s like others can see it but we cannot, when we’re beyond reason in our being confounded by the simplest of things. It’s so easy, too easy, to fall gradually into the abyss of depression, and what starts it often is the telltale signs of frustration and irritability that signal fear has entered the narrative. This form of fear insidiously sneaks up and cavorts as anger. A...nd to make things more complicated there’s sadness too sorrow that we cannot have the level of control that we would wish to exert over our lives or situations of our life. One sure way of determining whether we’re entering the sinkhole is to ask ourselves how much we’re expecting to impact our circle of concern those things we want different but have no control over. The way we stay out of running headlong into a rut is by being disciplined enough to only be concerned about those things we have an influence over the circle of influence. One of the simplest most profound pieces of wisdom is the prayer for serenity: God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Serenity, courage, wisdom. All because the person who prays this prayer stays within their circle of influence. They refuse to enter the madness of expecting change in areas of life they have no control over. When a person understands their frustration and irritability are rooted in hopes that can’t be met, they begin to comprehend the path they’re on. They see it’s nonsensical, and they commence a diligent path of wisdom that seeks ordered steps. Avoiding full-blown depression is helped along by the peace of acceptance. The mature life accepts none of us are ever completely satisfied. We all want something we cannot have, and most of us want many things we cannot have. Frustration and irritability are important signs we’re on the wrong path. There are many situations and seasons of life when we’re justifiably frustrated and irritable. The problem, however, is no matter how justified these emotions are, they never take us in the right direction. We would always be better searching for and finding our peace. Peace is in rest, and in coming back into the eternality of the fact that we’re all but dust. We need to re-enter our smallness, stop imagining we have any power at all, and then, straightaway, we begin to see the kingdom of heaven come into view. Humility truly is the key to it all. Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.

03.01.2022 Abuse isn’t always loud & easy to see. It is more commonly: dismissive calculating... contemptuous vengeful seething Unsuspecting others see: charm wit shrewdness competence confidence

03.01.2022 One of my favourite proverbs is, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. It’s from the ancient book of Proverbs (4:23). This proverb can be used as a commentary of our inner life and how we tend it. If we tend our inner life with the things this world gives it, we largely live without defence and we therefore don’t guard our heart. This is the reason many of us have a devotional life. We read edifying things, play enriching podcasts and mu...Continue reading

03.01.2022 It’s only when we’re thereat a particular destinationthat we really have a grip on what’s actually going on; because this life is so deeply experiential. There are inherent limits to what we can communicate, because there are all sorts of psychological filters we screen information through. And even when we’re there in a specific location, side by side with another person, we can still have two different perceptions of what’s going on. When we’ve reached the destination cal...Continue reading

02.01.2022 This article comes to you today courtesy of the sushi chef who lovingly pointed my daughter, granddaughter and I in the right direction toward the Transit Lounge at the hospital my mother has been staying in. Here are the simplest ways to be the best of blessing to others: 1. Pray for the interruption when someone seeks our help, i.e. they’re lost (read, anxious), the God blest thing is to smile, be calm, be inside the other person (empathise), listen, and calmly lead them ...Continue reading

01.01.2022 There is all manner of ways we give up in life. It’s a hard day and we’re done. It’s that blow that we didn’t expect. It’s sheer exhaustion. It’s feeling that sting of betrayal. And so many more. But when we’re ‘done’ and we’re just about to decide to give up, it’s surprising just how close the encouragement we need often is. We hardly expect to receive the instant boost that tells us, See, you just needed a little leg up to feel better, or Wow, I guess I just forgot... how much God knew I needed that, or Now I can rest a little easier knowing my life isn’t the catastrophe it seemed. Sometimes it’s all we need before we go to sleep; that reassurance that God’s got us, our purpose is real, our hope is sound. Faith really is the essence of believing in the dark that light will shine through in a coming moment. The most courageous faith trusts IN the dark night of the soul. And after we’ve completely traversed the dark night we know not only how far hell is to cross, but that God was with us every step of the way. Of course, there are practical things we can do to support the providence of God, like reaching out before the abyss closes in around us yes, I’m saying that most people wait far too long to reach out. Those who love and care for us, including our mentors, are not burdened so much by our reaching out as they feel privileged that we’re trusting them again. They want to know when we’re struggling. But my main and solitary point is hope comes alive most when we anticipate a breakthrough. Such faith is a muscle with exponential potential for growth. The breakthrough isn’t just something we wait for, mind you. It’s something we can be proactive about. We all have times when tiredness, lack of time, meaninglessness, discouragement, opposition and conflict, and doubting spring up, even colluding with each other to confound our hope. When you’re about to give up, realise that giving up is a decision, and you can just as easily decide to be hopeful, do something proactive, take the rest you need, smile in a mirror, and hope for a better tomorrow. When you’re about to give up, remember that time when something happened to restore your hope. Remember that time. You will feel better soon if you don’t give up. When you’re about to give up, look up, be gentle within, and reach out.