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Tuning Relationships with Music

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25.01.2022 Food for thought...

22.01.2022 "What I tell parents who have lived through trauma is this: If all goes well, your children will never completely understand you. They will love you and they wi...ll learn from you, but your experience will always be foreign to them." http://gretchenschmelzer.com//parents-corner-the-courage-o See more

21.01.2022 So I have posted a lot about spanking this week and some of you may be wondering "If I stop spanking, what am I supposed to do instead?!" Read this book: "Posit...ive Discipline in Everyday Parenting". Here's a FREE copy! It's never too late to do things differently. https://drive.google.com//18XTkKJRGCanfMAczp2PAXYt_f/view

14.01.2022 Children learn what they live. So what do children who live with spanking learn? I know that parents and carers who spank their children do so because they hop...e/believe that their children will learn limits, respect, good behaviour, and right from wrong. But that is a form of "do what I say not what I do". When we spank children we model a toxic way of managing problems/thoughts/feelings. We model that might is right. We model causing others pain to make them do what we want.

13.01.2022 Too often, I see children reprimanded when they're not able to control their behaviours and emotions. They’re expected to remain calm and happy, not get upset, ...not display anger, and quickly calm themselves down if they do get upset. If they can’t do this, they may be referred to me for "self-regulation difficulties". Here's the thing. Self-regulation is a developmental process. Just as we wouldn’t expect a child to run before they can walk, we cannot expect children to self-regulate until they’ve experienced co-regulation time and time again. And unless a child has had it modelled enough, and their brain has developed enough, they will not achieve regulation on their own. Have a think - when was the last time you heard a 3 year old say I’m so angry my sister hit me! I need to calm down. I’m just going to take myself outside to do some deep breaths. Co-regulation begins from birth. When babies are unsettled and we cuddle them, rock them, feed them - we are helping them to regulate. When toddlers are angry that they can't have the toy they want, and we empathise with them, sit with them, get them a drink - we are helping them to regulate. When preschoolers are upset because they're not ready to leave their playdate, and we listen and help them take deep breaths - we are helping them to regulate. Self-regulation only BEGINS to emerge around 4-5 years. And whilst some 4-5 year olds may be able to regulate themselves, others may not be able to. Both are within the typical range of development. True self-regulation is not fully established until our mid-twenties. Even then, we often turn to others to help us feel better when we are feeling low. We are often quite happy to help other adults feel better when they're feeling low, however when children need our help, we may be reluctant to give it, perhaps in fear that we will stunt their emotional resilience (amongst many other understandable but unfounded fears). When we ask a child to regulate themselves before they're ready, we risk shaming them, affecting their self-esteem, and their relationship with us. Co-regulation needs to come first. You won’t be able to co-regulate all of the time, and that’s okay, but it can help to know that kids may not be able to regulate on their own, and for good reason. #Coregulation #SelfRegulation #ConnectionBeforeCorrection #ConnectionSeeking #AttentionSeeking #BehaviourIsCommunication #Empathy #EmotionalIntelligence #EmotionalValidation #NoBadKids #KidsDoWellIfTheyCan #Neuroscience #UnderdevelopedBrain #EvidenceBasedPractice #EvidenceBasedParenting #ResponsiveParenting #Attachment #AttachmentParenting #Parenting #ParentingTips #KnowledgeIsPower #EmpoweringParents #ConsciousParenting #Reparenting #ParadigmShift #InfantMentalHealth #InfantMentalHealthAwareness

13.01.2022 @lisaoliveratherapy

11.01.2022 @justgirlproject

10.01.2022 @anandahealingproject

09.01.2022 "If you have ever heard a child say, 'Tell me a story,' you may have thought she merely wanted a good story. But if we grasp that relationship is at the crux of... storytelling, we begin to see that this is a child’s way of asking for attention. This corresponds directly with rule 1 for building attachment. Recognizing this cue as what it is a bid for your attention can help a lot of parents let go of the stress of coming up with a good story. It’s you she wants, not the story." https://howtotellstoriestochildren.com//storytelling-build See more