Yael Clark, Psychologist: SupportingParents in Caulfield, Victoria, Australia | Mental health service

Yael Clark, Psychologist: SupportingParents

Locality: Caulfield, Victoria, Australia

Phone: +61 438 559 601

Address: 2/242 Hawthorn Rd, Caulfield. 3161 Caulfield, VIC, Australia

Website: http://www.supportingparents.com.au

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25.01.2022 The 3-questions rule. Before you say "no" to your child's request (demand?), ask three questions. There's no magic question to ask, just use the questioning to slow things down, gather your thoughts, connect and engage with your child, and maybe, just sometimes...you'll learn that what they wanted was perfectly logical from their point of view!... Some ideas: *What did you hope would happen? *What would you do with it? *What were you planning? *Where did you get that idea from? *Have you ever done that before? *What did you think I would say? *Can you tell me more about that? THEN.... *empathise (Ooo, that sounds interesting!) *express interest (Who is the main character?) *suggest you plan an alternative together (Sounds like fun for when there's more time. How about.....?) *Agree! (yes, sometimes our kids come up with ideas that we knee-jerk react to with "no", but actually, "why not?" Notice that I haven't used "why" questions. Kids often struggle with "why". It can seem like an interrogation and make them anxious as to what the "right" answer might be. "What" is more concrete. This idea is based on Ross Greene's book, "The Explosive Child".

25.01.2022 Post 2 - VICTORIANS: You'll also be able to meet up with one other person outside for up to two hours at the park, for example and you don't necessarily have to be exercising.

25.01.2022 https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2492552941040741&id=1563361530626558

25.01.2022 The messages I have received, show me that parents are desperate to calm the outbursts and conflicts that are erupting at home, to manage their worries about their childrens education, and to ensure their children stay emotionally and physically healthy. I will overlay these concerns with the fundamental need for parent well-being to be front and centre of every effort to support families through this. So, the themes for future posts are: 1) Childrens behaviour 2) Childre...ns learning and development 3) Parents well-being. And these will be explored with my underlying belief that: 1) the curriculum is not the point of education right now and 2) the usual screen time guidelines are off the table during lockdown. My aim, my deep wish, is to help you develop self compassion. Youre doing your best in circumstances none of us could have prepared for. Its normal to struggle right now. Its normal to feel unmotivated, lethargic, overwhelmed, and fearful. Its normal to lose your temper, to be out of whack with eating and sleeping, and to find it hard to concentrate. Its normal for us and its normal for our kids. #covidnormal See more

24.01.2022 Ive gone into work to pick up some things and have taken the opportunity to introduce Maggie to Ralph, my IKEA therapy dog. They seem to like each other .

23.01.2022 Just popping in to wish you all a good week. I have been swamped in Mum-Mode myself. Regular programming will resume mid-week :) Till then, here is my sage advice for your Monday.

23.01.2022 Were all in this storm together, but were not all in the same boat. Please reach out if you need a lifeline.

23.01.2022 A follow-on from my previous post.

22.01.2022 We're all in this storm together, but we're not all in the same boat. Please reach out if you need a lifeline.

21.01.2022 Next time your child is resisting home learning tasks, take a break with them to connect, then ask them to show you one activity in the days school schedule that they like the best. If thats all they do that day, then at least they have engaged with school life and used their brain. Acknowledge that they had a hard day and that tomorrow it will probably be easier to do more work. That way you are opening up possibilities. #thechildpsychologistsaidso Remember: *Connect to co...rrect. *Home learning is to keep children engaged and connected, not to mimic a regular school environment. See more

21.01.2022 #unpopularopinion (I'm getting brave!) I want to develop and share a redo of this popular sign. It is way too individualistic and bloody unfair. No wonder we suffer with feelings of failure and inadequacy. No wonder our internal script is so self-critical. How do you practise self compassion in the face of constant messages that you are the problem? Here's my very rough draft for a redo:... MEET THE PERSON WHO *Is doing their best *Struggles just because humans struggle *Deserves support *Needs a fair go *Can learn to ask for help *Has unique values to guide their life It's not as catchy, but nothing truly nuanced can be summed up in a single word.

21.01.2022 *Politics and Struggle aside for a moment, I will share a giggle.* Does anyone remember the folktale that Julia Donaldson made into a storybook and a song thats sung on playschool, "A Squash and a Squeeze"? It reminds me of the giddy relief I am hearing from parents who can, at last, take their disabled child to the grandparents for the day, the singles who can form a "social bubble", and the working-from-home folk who can go for a walk later in the evening. The story begin...s with an old woman complaining that her house is much too small. She enlists the help of a wise old man, who tells her first to take the hen in, then to take the pig in, and on and on until her home is full of animals with barely any room to move. She finally returns to the wise old man, and he tells her to let all of the animals out again. She does and is surprised at how spacious her house now feels it is no longer too small. She feels blessed indeed! Yes, our lives were hard enough, then covid made them harder, and now we are surprisingly appreciative of even this slight lifting of restrictions. Bring on the day when we can truly feel like were living in mansions! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V6XGSDsDT1A&gl=CO

21.01.2022 https://www.facebook.com/103490877870896/posts/190289799191003/

20.01.2022 If you want a beautiful (and educational) story or two for your kidlets to watch, check out my clever sister https://www.tastrofest.space/bedtime-stories

20.01.2022 Your child does not need a certain number of screen-free hours a day, a specific variety of foods, a standardised number of online lessons a day. Whatever they miss out on this year, they will catch up on next year. (Perhaps reading/being read to, and using mathematical thinking are worth focusing on when you can.) What they cant catch up on as easily is security, a feeling of being cared for and safe in this world. THIS must be our focus this year, even more than ever. (Scroll down to my earlier post if you need a reminder of these four foundations of wellbeing :) )

20.01.2022 Many Aussie Psychologists would have received this email this morning. How many could actually answer, "Why, yes. Yes, I do have a koala in my office."

18.01.2022 I have been hesitating to post my views about "home learning" and about screen time during lockdown, because I dont have a pile of peer-reviewed papers to cite in support of my views. Yesterday, while in a Zoom session with a parent-client, it dawned on me that I can post with the authority of my many years of clinical experience, my lifetime of learning about child development (the least of which was the 4 university degrees), and my current work with 20+ families a week. My views are founded on my observations of what helps and are firmly grounded in well-established theoretical frameworks. Heck, Im going to stand by them! Grab some popcorn and stay tuned!

18.01.2022 I made a meme (procrastinating at its finest!)

17.01.2022 How's the serenity? It isn't Bonnie Doon, but it'll do!

17.01.2022 This week a common theme ran through the calls and emails I have had from former clients and sessions with current clients: "Am I becoming mentally ill? I am feeling awful!" Yes, this is a normal reaction to this abnormal situation. Humans are not meant to live this way; were hardwired for connection and to be in nature. Ride out this stay-at-home period with self-compassion and reach out for support. #covidnormal is not normal! This is a longish but good article which I will follow up with an easier to read post by Mamamia for those of us whose flexcapacitor is broken. https://www.abc.net.au//2020-09-02/your-brain-und/12611994

16.01.2022 UPDATE: More info has circulated, explaining that telehealth is still preferred whenever possible and we still have to wear masks in the room. -->Today's easing of restrictions means face2face sessions can resume. The Medicare teleahealth rebate will continue, so families will have a choice. I am not sure yet if there will be limits on how many people per square metre, so these might be 1:1 sessions only for now. Stay tuned :) I am posting the whole update in the comments FYI.

15.01.2022 But only just! And you?

15.01.2022 We have the technology, why on earth wouldnt we use it?! Fewer cancellations as can still keep appointments when a family member needs you home or when you are unwell (if youre up to it). Less travel and travel time. Less time off work. Can see a practitioner outside your local area. Dont need a babysitter. And best of all, you can wear pyjama pants and include your pets in sessions . http://chng.it/2rzhk5c9tC

14.01.2022 A Monday morning reminder to practise self-compassion. Are you speaking kindly to yourself? I know you are doing your very best in a difficult situation.

14.01.2022 I have been providing teletherapy since March. Sessions with parents and young adults are not much different from face2face but engaging young children on Zoom has been a steep learning curve! I have learned how to share screens to play online games -so many new games- how to draw, to watch videos together, and fun activities like scavenger hunts. It has been wonderful meeting pets and siblings and being able to work on childrens anxieties in their own homes. Many children... have taken the role of teaching me how to play their favourite games with them online. Theyre great teachers! *And now I present to you, my Virtual Therapy Room!* Every image is a link to a therapeutic activity. Such fun! Tomorrow will be its test run. Oh, and if you havent signed the petition to ensure ongoing access to teletherapy after March 2021, please do! Link in the comments.

13.01.2022 If you've been following my page for a while, you'll know that my special areas of practice are Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and Autism. A colleague in the US, Amy Jenks, has just created this excellent infographic about OCD treatment which I absolutely must share! The BTTI training which she mentions is the training I did just over a year ago in the US. I am happy to say that I meet the criteria she gives for a good OCD Therapist but what she doesn't say is that a good OCD Therapist has to stomach fake vomit challenges, playing with fake dog poo, and staring at revolting photos...all in the name of Exposure and Response Prevention therapy! I have become very good at sitting with discomfort indeed!!

13.01.2022 We have the technology, why on earth wouldn't we use it?! Fewer cancellations as can still keep appointments when a family member needs you home or when you are unwell (if you're up to it). Less travel and travel time. Less time off work. Can see a practitioner outside your local area. Don't need a babysitter. And best of all, you can wear pyjama pants and include your pets in sessions . http://chng.it/2rzhk5c9tC

13.01.2022 What do you believe is the purpose of school? 1) In normal times, and 2) during Lockdown.What do you believe is the purpose of school? 1) In normal times, and 2) during Lockdown.

13.01.2022 Post 2 - VICTORIANS: Youll also be able to meet up with one other person outside for up to two hours at the park, for example and you dont necessarily have to be exercising.

12.01.2022 After the year that's been, I am deeply grateful for the "shamash" people in my life. (The shamash is the helper candle, the tall one at the end that lights the other candles). You'll notice that the memorah is always one solid bar with the eight candles on it. Jewish tradition dictates that we don't use separate candles lined up in a row. I think this is to teach us that we only burn bright when we are connected. This was, oddly enough a year of connection for therapist...s. We connected with each other online more than ever before, sharing telehealth learnings and we connected at a lived experience level with the daily challenges of our clients, all of us living through lockdown together. All of us facing new struggles. May we all feel connected like the candles on the menorah and we should all be blessed with a shamash or two in our lives who helps our flame continue to burn when the wick is low. Happy Chanukah!

12.01.2022 This is lovely and really worth watching and sharing. https://www.facebook.com/BotanicRidgePrimarySchool/posts/326504695401255

11.01.2022 25 Sep, 8:00 pm AEST ZOOM Webinar $5.00 https://www.friendinme.org.au//pandemic-anxiety-with-sandh

11.01.2022 Excellent article. This backs up my advice here on https://www.facebook.com/YaelClarkPsychologistSupportingParents/posts/3110252682429738. Please do read this, and give yourself a break! The use of screens (iPads etc) is literally the Number One issue that parents are speaking with me about in sessions. This article was written in March, so rest assured that we can be even kinder to ourselves and our children all these months down the track. https://themodernparent.net/staying-at-home-during-covid-1/

10.01.2022 Instead of making screen-time-limit rules, try making daily-things-to-do rules. As long as the activities on the list mostly get done, then ignore screen time (but still monitor content). Here are some ideas for the to-do list: *Get your heart and muscles pumping, preferably outdoors if possible. (Or use the WiiU or PlayStation?)... *Have one family meal with talking/quiet (you could play conversation games; Ill share a funny of ours in the comments). *Reading (to yourself or being read to) *"Pen, pencil, writing utensil" time. *Chores *Games time *Free play *Activity time (have a list to choose from) *Bed-time that allows for enough sleep and some parent downtime. (Screens off an hour before sleep. My kids listen to Audible stories so screen time is set to limit all other apps.) Remember the Healthy Mind Platter? Use that as a guide. https://www.facebook.com/YaelClarkPsychologistSupportingParents/posts/2813269025461440

10.01.2022 THE BASICS Humans need to feel Safe, Seen, Soothed, and Secure*. A child needs this from their parent and an adult needs this from a significant other. This is the foundation of wellbeing. This is what we need to focus on while in lockdown, not whether your child submitted every piece of work or if you baked sourdough. Both of those achievements are great, BUT not at the cost of the four Ss of human resilience. As you go about your day today, take a few moments to reflect o...n interactions in your family that promote the four Ss. Safe- do not be a source of fear in your home, reconnect and repair after things go wrong, help your children feel that their home is a safe harbour from COVID-19, explosions in Beirut, and whatever else threatens to invade our homes via the media. Seen - pause and pay attention when they level up on Roblox, laugh out loud at a TV show, or draw the cat (hopefully, not *on* the cat!). Enter their world even for a minute, express interest. Validate their worries and fears, even the ones that seem so irrational or blown out of proportion. You dont need to agree, just let them know you see how important it is to them. Soothed - I promise you wont raise a "softie" or damage their resilence if you cuddle the boo-boos and kiss the tears. When they are distressed, offer comfort. Help them to settle. We are not wired to settle alone. (Have a google about "mirror neurons".) Secure - This is the result of the first three Ss. Having security means trusting that you will always have a safe port in a storm, your parents or significant other will always be there for you. THAT is the basis of resilience because when you can trust that the port is there, you will feel ready to take on even the roughest of seas. A resilient child can take risks and be brave because they know that when their battery runs low, they have you, their recharger, waiting for them. You just have to make sure youre plugged in to your mains too. Next post we will look at ways we can provide the four Ss when we are in lockdown. *Source: "The Power of Showing Up." By Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Pop your earphones in as you cook or go for a walk and have a listen to Tina explain the four Ss. https://www.bodykindnessbook.com//podcast-141-how-the-4-s/

10.01.2022 I've gone into work to pick up some things and have taken the opportunity to introduce Maggie to Ralph, my IKEA therapy dog. They seem to like each other .

10.01.2022 Post 3. VICTORIANS: The curfew is extended until 9 pm. Daylight Savings starts October 4th.

09.01.2022 This runs for seven days (2 days each "track") and is FREE. Register just so you have the chance to catch at least one of the sessions. My must-sees are: *Tina Bryson *Mona Delahooke... *Kathy Koch *Peg Dawson If youve worked with me you will recognise that I use the work of these researchers/authors a lot. https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-conference

08.01.2022 LOCKDOWN PARENTING #unpopularopinion1 Home learning is for wellbeing, not education, and if it isnt serving your family then opt in or out as much as is good for you as a family unit. #unpopularopinion2 ... Screens are *the* main way our children can currently reach the world outside home. They are a sanity saver for parents. Forget the pre-covid screen time rules. Now that I have your attention, I will add that each of these sweeping statements come with caveats and guidelines. Im not suggesting we plonk in front of screens all day every day and play Roblox or watch Netflix. What I want is for you to create a flexible blueprint built on a few child development basics, some general psychology of health and wellbeing information, and your familys values. I encourage you to review your unique blueprint daily and ask yourself, "Where are we at today? How much energy do we have? How much motivation? How is our mood? What does OUR family need today?" I will help you. I have done this for my family and we are doing so much better than we did in the first lockdown. My two-fold mantra is this: It is far easier to revisit last years curriculum than it is to repair the pain of fractured families. The long term effects of excessive screen time are not fully known, but the effects of family breakdown are; lets focus on what we know.

08.01.2022 Parents, there is a shocking video circulating of a man completing suicide. It was filmed as a Facebook Live and has been shared all over social media. It has also been spliced into cat videos. I have also seen screen shots of it being posted. The chance is high that your child will see it or hear of it. Prepare yourself to discuss suicide and to discuss social media. Dont avoid the topic because then your child will be forming their own beliefs without you.

08.01.2022 #unpopularopinion (Im getting brave!) I want to develop and share a redo of this popular sign. It is way too individualistic and bloody unfair. No wonder we suffer with feelings of failure and inadequacy. No wonder our internal script is so self-critical. How do you practise self compassion in the face of constant messages that you are the problem? Heres my very rough draft for a redo:... MEET THE PERSON WHO *Is doing their best *Struggles just because humans struggle *Deserves support *Needs a fair go *Can learn to ask for help *Has unique values to guide their life Its not as catchy, but nothing truly nuanced can be summed up in a single word.

07.01.2022 Post 1 - VICTORIANS: 14th of September "Social bubbles" will be introduced, meaning single people who live alone and solo parents can nominate one person to visit them in their home. This person can be outside of the 5k radius and can stay until 9pm.

06.01.2022 The 3-questions rule. Before you say "no" to your childs request (demand?), ask three questions. Theres no magic question to ask, just use the questioning to slow things down, gather your thoughts, connect and engage with your child, and maybe, just sometimes...youll learn that what they wanted was perfectly logical from their point of view!... Some ideas: *What did you hope would happen? *What would you do with it? *What were you planning? *Where did you get that idea from? *Have you ever done that before? *What did you think I would say? *Can you tell me more about that? THEN.... *empathise (Ooo, that sounds interesting!) *express interest (Who is the main character?) *suggest you plan an alternative together (Sounds like fun for when theres more time. How about.....?) *Agree! (yes, sometimes our kids come up with ideas that we knee-jerk react to with "no", but actually, "why not?" Notice that I havent used "why" questions. Kids often struggle with "why". It can seem like an interrogation and make them anxious as to what the "right" answer might be. "What" is more concrete. This idea is based on Ross Greenes book, "The Explosive Child".

06.01.2022 Celebrating holidays neurodivergent style! I encourage you to follow Kristy. Either you'll learn about your own needs, a family member's needs, or the needs of the Autistic people you will meet in your life. The Autistic community's voice is getting louder and it's time "The Experts" listened. * (*ADHD and other neurobiological differences belong in this community too )... https://www.facebook.com/128947034381065/posts/748225089119920/

06.01.2022 Wishing everyone who celebrates Christmas, a day of love and laughter. These few days are often hectic and usually out of routine, the ideas in this article will be helpful for any sensitive children as well as for neurodivegent kidlets (autism/adhd). https://www.psychologytoday.com//9-ways-support-your-sensi

06.01.2022 The year is slowly grinding into gear, although not as slowly as I'd like! Have you recovered from 2020 at all? Are you hopeful for 2021 or do you expect more of the same? I suspect more of the same pretty much. But one thing will be different. I am not letting my battery run flat again. It's probably around the 1/2 charged mark now and I'm going to take proactive steps to keep it there or, even better, above. I'm planning a week off once I have caught up on last year's outstanding reports and the kidlets are back at school. That battery should be at over three-quarter charge then! What are you going to do to maintain or increase your personal battery charge this year?

05.01.2022 Did you know that your child doesnt need you to be a perfect parent for them to feel seen, safe, soothed, and secure? Research has found that a 50% attunement rate is associated with a secure child. Attunement means paying attention in the moment to the childs experience and truly accepting it on the childs terms. Even without solving or fixing their problem, just by tuning in, you can provide security. (Ive also seen a study that found 30% was enough too.) https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas/2019//190508134511.htm

04.01.2022 I had been planning to come in here and post some pearls of wisdom before the preppies returned to school. I didn't. So I planned to post last week for those of us with kids going back this week. I didn't. There's actually plenty of advice doing the rounds and I am, like many Melburnians, limping to the finish line and haven't had it in me to post. If your child is going back to school tomorrow, I wish you a hot beverage and some peace and quiet; I wish you headspace to fini...sh your own sentences in your thoughts and I wish you strength and energy to be able to tune into your kids when they get home. It's highly likely that they'll need to debrief. I am fortunate enough to have been able to block out my schedule so that I am home and available every day this coming week from 3:30-5:00. I have also blocked out 9:00-10:30 to be for me to sit in an almost-empty house and breathe in the quiet. This should enable me to focus on them when they get home. So, take a few moments to plan your week to make some time for yourself and some time for your kids. We all have a lot of recovering to do. xo

04.01.2022 Post 4. VICTORIANS- Playgrounds will also open.

03.01.2022 Good morning fellow Victorians. I wish I could make this lockdown easier for us all. Maybe some humour will give us a few minutes reprieve. The Healthy Mind Platter, back to basics, is more important than ever. Ill link to it in the comments.

03.01.2022 A busy week ahead. I thought I'd share this story with you. I wrote it to remind children that the elderly in the family and community need looking after during lockdown and beyond. You might like to read it to your children and brainstorm non-contact ways they could be like Micah the young elephant. http://supportingparents.com.au//micah-and-the-worst-drou/

02.01.2022 LOCKDOWN PARENTING #unpopularopinion1 Home learning is for wellbeing, not education, and if it isn't serving your family then opt in or out as much as is good for you as a family unit. #unpopularopinion2 ... Screens are *the* main way our children can currently reach the world outside home. They are a sanity saver for parents. Forget the pre-covid screen time rules. Now that I have your attention, I will add that each of these sweeping statements come with caveats and guidelines. I'm not suggesting we plonk in front of screens all day every day and play Roblox or watch Netflix. What I want is for you to create a flexible blueprint built on a few child development basics, some general psychology of health and wellbeing information, and your family's values. I encourage you to review your unique blueprint daily and ask yourself, "Where are we at today? How much energy do we have? How much motivation? How is our mood? What does OUR family need today?" I will help you. I have done this for my family and we are doing so much better than we did in the first lockdown. My two-fold mantra is this: It is far easier to revisit last year's curriculum than it is to repair the pain of fractured families. The long term effects of excessive screen time are not fully known, but the effects of family breakdown are; let's focus on what we know.

02.01.2022 A busy week ahead. I thought Id share this story with you. I wrote it to remind children that the elderly in the family and community need looking after during lockdown and beyond. You might like to read it to your children and brainstorm non-contact ways they could be like Micah the young elephant. http://supportingparents.com.au//micah-and-the-worst-drou/

02.01.2022 This blew my mind. Think about it.

01.01.2022 Did you know that your child doesn't need you to be a perfect parent for them to feel seen, safe, soothed, and secure? Research has found that a 50% attunement rate is associated with a secure child. Attunement means paying attention in the moment to the child's experience and truly accepting it on the child's terms. Even without solving or fixing their problem, just by tuning in, you can provide security. (I've also seen a study that found 30% was enough too.) https://www.sciencedaily.com/releas/2019//190508134511.htm